


Act One

by My Crazy Crazy Madman (Pigfarts23)



Series: A Very Sherlock Musical -the Musical [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M, musical AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-10
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-01-24 04:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1591730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pigfarts23/pseuds/My%20Crazy%20Crazy%20Madman
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There exists a  world where people break into song and choreography with no shame.<br/>This is that world.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Act One, Scene One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [flawedamythyst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawedamythyst/gifts).
  * Inspired by [A Very Sherlock Musical](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1129596) by [flawedamythyst](https://archiveofourown.org/users/flawedamythyst/pseuds/flawedamythyst). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/), or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.
> 
> Edit: Fixed Sherlock's deduction of John.. whoops

[ _Overture_ ](http://musescore.com/user/105483/scores/186535)

[LIGHTS UP ON A BED. CURTAINS REMAIN CLOSED BEHIND A SOLITARY FIGURE THAT SITS AT THE END OF A BED, STAGE RIGHT, LOOKING DOWNWARDS. ]

[ _John’s Song (Or: Six Years in Afghanistan)_ ](http://musescore.com/user/207805/scores/196146)

JOHN:

My life was but mediocre,

And then I went to war;

I signed myself up for the army,

Just to get away from home.

 

Six years in Afghanistan

My life has never been the same,

It varied every day,

But I was unafraid.

 

The thrill was all around me,

The battle sung every day,

And watching all my colleagues die

Was not always from far away.

 

But then …

[LOOK DOWN, DEPRESSED, UNABLE TO FINISH THOUGHT, TOO PAINFUL, ETC.]

[SIGH]

But then I was shot

Leading to my discharge;

And I was sent home

Almost right away.

 

I was given a pension,

And here I sit,

Alone in my bedsit in

London [x 2]

 

But the thing is,

The thing is that its so

Hard to pay

 

All alone in a bedsit,

In London,

On an army pension that barely

Gets me food.

 

[SCENE CHANGES; MUSICAL INTERLUDE;  CURTAINS OPEN AND LIGHTS GO UP ON STAGE RIGHT, LEAVING STAGE LEFT IN COMPETE DARKNESS. STAGE RIGHT IS LIT GREEN AND THERE’S TREES AND A BENCH, UPON WHICH MIKE STAMFORD SITS, JOHN IS WALKING PAST]

_Stamford: John! John Watson!_

[JOHN KEEPS WALKING]

[A SPOTLIGHT GOES UP ON A SOLITARY FIGURE ON STAGE LEFT; TOTAL BLACKOUT STAGE RIGHT; A TALL MAN IN COMPLETE SHADOW IS STANDING THERE]

SOLITARY FIGURE: Then my life changed for the better

[THE SPOTLIGHT ON THE OTHER FIGURE CUTS OUT AND THE AUDIENCE ATTENTION IS BACK ON STAGE RIGHT; STAGE LEFT IS BLACKOUT.]

_John: [turns, shocked] Wh- yea?_

_Stamford: It’s me – Mike Stamford! Remember me from Bart’s? [John’s blank look] We used to go to Bart’s together._

_John: [recognition]: Oh yeah, right. Mike._

_Stamford: No, you can say it, I’ve got fat, haven’t I? Do you want a coffee?_

[LIGHTING CHANGES; MUSICAL INTERLUDE; RANDOM CONVERSATION GOING ON; EVENTUALLY, JOHN’S ONE LINE RISES ABOVE THE OTHERS. DURING THE LIGHTING CHANGE, COFFEE ENDS UP IN THEIR HANDS; MAYBE WALK OFF STAGE FOR A BIT, THEN A DIFFERENT PARK PART?]

_John: Who’d want me for a flatmate?_

_Stamford: You know, you’re the second person who’s told me that today._

[POWER CHORD]

JOHN:

Then I met Sherlock Holmes,

And my life changed for the better.

It was almost like I had been waiting for him,

Which was why I did not die, out in the red sands,

The red sands,

Of Afghanistan.

[SCENE CHANGES YET AGAIN; FINALLY, WE MEET SHERLOCK HOLMES; STAGE LET LIGHTS FADE BACK ON TO A MAN STANDING OVER A COUNTER, FIDDLING WITH CHEMICALS. IT IS THE SAME MAN FROM BEFORE. VARIATION OF HIS THEME PLAYS. JOHN AND STAMFORD ENTER STAGE RIGHT. CONVERSATION ENSUES]

_Stamford: I’d like you to meet a friend of mine, Sherlock Holmes._

_Sherlock: Afghanistan or Iraq?_

_[John looks toward Stamford, who grins.]_

_Sherlock: I play the violin when I’m thinking, and sometimes I don’t talk for days on end. Potential flatmates should know the worst things about each other, don’t you agree?_

_John: [confused] Who said anything about flatmates?_

_Sherlock: I did._

_John: [Toward Stamford] You told him?_

_Stamford: [Grinning like a loon] Not a word._

_John: Then who said anything about flatmates?_

_Sherlock: I told Stamford that I must be a difficult man to find a flatmate for, and here he is, right after lunch, with a man home from military service in Afghanistan. Not a hard leap._

_[John is stunned into silence as a door opens and Molly walks in, STAGE RIGHT carrying coffee.]_

_Molly: Coffee._

_Sherlock: Ah, thank you Molly._

_[Molly leaves STAGE RIGHT as Sherlock opens his mouth to say something]_

_Sherlock: [with a shake of his head] So tomorrow night then? I’ve got my eye on a nice place in central London. Worked out a deal with the land lady._

_John: Wait, we don’t know a thing about each other and you just expect me to move in with you?_

_Sherlock: Problem?_

_John: I don’t even know your name!_

_Sherlock: I know you’re an army doctor, invalided home from service for a shot to the shoulder. I know your brother wants to give you help but you refuse to take it, most likely due to his gambling, but maybe due to the fact he’s an alcoholic._

_[John looks on, silenced.]_

_Sherlock: Tomorrow evening at seven then._

_[Right before he exits stage RIGHT.] Sherlock: The name’s Sherlock Holmes and the address is two-two-one B Baker Street. [Exit]_

[LIGHTS START FADING AROUND HIM AS JOHN SINGS. ALL LIGHTS WILL END UP OFF BY THE TIME JOHN’S FINISHED]

JOHN:

I thought I had a guardian angel,

And now I know why.

 

I just hadn’t met

Sherlock Holmes. [x2]

[Bit of the theme that will be driving John crazy later shows up.]

Sherlock Holmes.

[JOHN’S HEAD FALLS BACK DOWN; WHILE THE LIGHTS WERE GOING OFF, WE ENDED UP BACK IN THE BEDSIT WHERE THE MUSIC STARTED; JOHN IS IN THE SAME POSITION WE FIRST SAW HIM IN (IN FRONT OF THE CURTAIN). WHEN THE NOTE THAT JOHN IS HOLDING VANISHES INTO AIR BY THE GOVERNING LAWS OF PHYSICS, THE SOLITARY SPOTLIGHT ON HIM CUTS OUT. DURING THIS TIME, 221B WILL BE SET UP BEHIND CURTAIN. THE CURTAINS WILL OPEN A BIT WHILE HE’S FINISHING UP THE NOTE, LETTING THE DOOR APPEAR CENTRE STAGE.  JOHN MOVES ACROSS THE STAGE TO THE CENTRE AS LIGHTS COME UP ALL ACROSS THE STAGE AT THE SAME TIME. WE SEE JOHN, PACING IN FRONT OF THE CURTAIN, WHICH IS SLIGHTLY PARTED WHERE A DOOR SITS WITH ‘221’ WRITTEN ON IT. SHERLOCK ENTERS STAGE RIGHT A MOMENT LATER]

Sherlock: Ah, so glad you could make it.

John: Good to see you again, Mr. Holmes.

Sherlock: Please, Sherlock is fine. [Walking up to the door; knocks and the door swings open a moment later.]

Mrs. Hudson: [hugging Sherlock] Oh Sherlock! It’s so good to see you again!

Sherlock [awkward smile]: This is Dr. John Watson. [gestures to John] This is Ms. Hudson, the land lady. Watson, Hudson, Hudson, Watson, you guys know the drill. [gestures to Mrs. Hudson before brushing past her and into the door. John shakes her hand before following Sherlock into the door.]

[CURTAIN RISES AS MRS. HUDSON LOOKS ROUND BEFORE GOING BACK INTO THE ‘HOUSE’. WHEN SHE CLOSES THE DOOR, THE DOOR IS SOMEHOW TRANSPORTED OFF STAGE. I DON’T CARE IF IT HAS TO BE ROLLED, GET IT OFF. WE GET OUR FIRST GLIMPSE OF 221B. THE FLAT IS DECORATED MUCH LIKE IN THE SHOW, BUT THE BOYS COME IN FROM THE DOOR STAGE RIGHT. THE FIREPLACE IS ON AN ANGLE UPSTAGE ON STAGE LEFT; THE KITCHEN WE CAN JUST BARELY SEE; IT IS BEHIND THE DOORS THAT THE BOYS ENTER FROM, BUT THERE IS A TABLE AND CHAIRS WAITING IN THE DARK, STAGE LEFT. THE TWO CHAIRS ARE LAID OUT IN FRONT OF THE FIRE PLACE, AND THE COUCH IS ALONG THE WINGS, WHICH SERVE AS WINDOWS ALL STAGE LEFT; ITS BACK IS FACING THE WALL]

John: [deadpan] I hate it.

Sherlock: [taken aback.] So you won’t be moving in then?

John: Well, ok, fine, once we get all this rubbish out of here, it could do.

Sherlock: [condescending] This _rubbish_ is mine. Obviously I can start cleaning up around here, but.. [Starts cleaning up; by cleaning up I mean just moving papers from one spot to another.]

[JOHN STANDS AND WATCHES AS SHERLOCK TIDIES. MRS. HUDSON RE-ENTERS]

Mrs. Hudson: What do you think then?  

John: Eh. Could be better.

Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock, I’m sure you can use the upstairs bedroom as a lab, seeing as you probably won’t be needing it.

John: [quickly] Yes we will. Why wouldn’t we be needing it? There are two of us.

Mrs. Hudson : [Knowingly] Of course you will dearie. [wink] It’s all right, as long as you two boys keep the noise down.

John: I’m not actually gay!

Mrs. Hudson: Of _course_ not dearie.

Sherlock: [Looking up] You’re hella gay, obviously.

[SHERLOCK RESUMES PUTTERING AROUND THE FLAT; JOHN FLASHES A QUICK LOOK AT SHERLOCK, AND MRS. HUDSON MOVES UPSTAGE RIGHT TO THE KITCHEN]

Mrs. Hudson:  Sherlock! Look at the mess! [Starts cleaning up]

[JOHN SITS DOWN AS SHERLOCK AND MRS. HUDSON PUTTER ABOUT. A FEW SECONDS OF SILENCE AND SUDDENLY THERE’S FOOTSTEPS COMING UP THE ‘STAIRS’. SHERLOCK LOOKS TO THE OPEN DOOR OF THE FLAT AND GREG LESTRADE APPEARS, LOOKING LIKE HIS RUMPLED SELF. CUE _I Have a Case_ ]

Greg: [Opens mouth]

Sherlock: Where?

Greg: Brixton – Laurstan Gardens.

Sherlock: What’s new about this one?

Greg: You know how they never leave notes? This one did -------- will you come?

Sherlock: Who’s on forensics?

Greg: Anderson.

Sherlock: [annoyed look] Anderson won’t work with me.

 [GREG LOOKS AT HIM]

Sherlock: I won’t come in a police car, but I’ll be right behind.

Greg: [half bow in gratitude] Thank you. [nods at both Hudson and John]

Sherlock: [composed until an offstage door slams; slamming cues prancing around] YES! It’s like Christmas – four suicides and a _note!_ I’ll be late – Mrs. Hudson could you get dinner, something cold will do. [putting on coat again]

Mrs. Hudson [Sing song]: Not your housekeeper, dearie.

Sherlock: [Ignores Mrs. Hudson] John, make yourself at home, have a cuppa. I’ll be back late. [Sweeps out the flat door and slams it behind him; cue out _I Have A Case_ ].

[MRS. HUDSON AND JOHN SIT IN SILENCE; CUE _ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC;_ BEFORE MRS. HUDSON BUSTLES OFF TO THE KITCHEN TO MAKE TEA. A KETTLE IS PLACED ON A STOVE]

Mrs. Hudson: I’ll make you a cuppa, you rest your leg.

John: [angrily] DAMN MY LEG.

Mrs. Hudson: Ooh!

John: [sheepishly] Sorry. I’m so sorry. Sometimes this bloody thing..

Mrs. Hudson: I understand, I have a hip. [WALKS OUT OF THE FLAT]

[DURING THIS EXCHANGE, SHERLOCK APPEARS IN THE DOORWAY. CUE OUT _ATMOSPHERIC MUSIC_ ]

Sherlock: You’re an army doctor. Any good?

John: I would say so.

Sherlock: Seen a lot of injuries and blood then.

John:  Yea. Enough for a lifetime.

Sherlock: Want to see some more?

John: No. Are you crazy?

Sherlock [dismissive]: Yes you do. Come along, John.

[SHERLOCK SWEEPS OUT OF THE FLAT, AND JOHN TAKES ONE LOOK AROUND BEFORE GRINNING AND FOLLOWING HIM.]

Sherlock: [O.S] And people say I’m crazy.

[JOHN PAUSES IN THE DOORWAY, A MANIAC SMILE ON HIS LIPS. LIGHTS HAVE ALREADY STARTED GOING DOWN ON THE FLAT, LEAVING ONLY A SPOTLIGHT ON HIM; DOWNSTAGE LIGHTS REMAIN UP; A REMINDER OF THE LAST CHORDS IN HIS SONG PLAY, AND THE CURTAINS SHUT COMPLETELY WHEN THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT. A MAN IN A SUIT WALKS ON STAGE RIGHT WHEN THE CURTAINS SHUT – HE IS WEARING A SUIT AND HOLDING AN UMBRELLA IN HIS LEFT HAND. HE SMILES FOR A MOMENT AT THE PHONE IN HIS HAND BEFORE HE POCKETS IT CONFIDENTLY AND LEANS CASUALLY ON HIS UMBRELLA. OFFSTAGE, WE HEAR VOICES AND THE SLAMMING OF A DOOR ECHOING.]

John [O.S, getting closer]: You could have just called.

Mycroft:  If one wants to avoid the attention of the most observant man in England, one must be discreet.

John [enters stage left]:  Hence this place.

[MYCROFT SAYS NOTHING BUT GIVES A FAKE SMILE]

John: So….

Mycroft [suddenly]: What is your connection to Sherlock Holmes?

John: What makes you think I have one?

Mycroft: You met him yesterday and since then have moved in and are currently solving crimes. I believe it’s obvious there’s a connection.

John: And you are..?

Mycroft: An interested party.

John [disbelief]: An interested party.

Mycroft: Yes. Simply put, I am the closest thing to a friend Sherlock Holmes has.

John: Which is…

Mycroft [simply]: An enemy.

John: An enemy?

Mycroft:  Certainly. I’m sure if you were to ask him, he’d go so far to say an archenemy. He does love his dramatics.

John [saucy]: Thank god you don’t.

[A TEXT ALERT GOES OFF. JOHN TAKES THE PHONE OUT OF HIS POCKET AND STARES AT IT WHILE IGNORING MYCROFT. OFFSTAGE, WE HEAR SHERLOCK’S VOICE AND HE’S READING OUT WHAT WE CAN ONLY ASSUME IS THE MESSAGE.]

Sherlock [O.S]:   _Baker Street. Come at once if convenient. SH_

Mycroft: What are your plans for yourself and Mr. Sherlock Holmes?

John [saucy]: I _might_ be wrong, but that’s none of your business.

[MYCROFT GIVES ONE OF THOSE ANNOYING SMILES AGAIN AS THE TEXT ALERT GOES OFF ONCE MORE. JOHN PAUSES, TAKES THE PHONE OUT OF HIS POCKET AND STARTS TO READ THE TEXT.]

Sherlock [O.S]: _If inconvenient, come anyway. SH_

Mycroft [casually]: You’re very loyal. Very quickly.

John: I’m really not that loyal. I’m just not interested.

[JOHN TURNS AND IS ABOUT TO LEAVE WHEN MYCROFT PULLS OUT A NOTEBOOK AND STARTS TO READ OUT OF IT.]

Mycroft: Trust issues, it says here. Could it be that you’ve decided to trust Sherlock Holmes?

John [turning back]: Who says I trust him?

[MYCROFT GIVES A SMILE]

John [looks uncomfortable]: Are we done?

Mycroft: You tell me.

[JOHN NODS AND TURNS AWAY. AS HE DOES SO MYCROFT PUTS THE NOTEBOOK BACK INTO HIS POCKET AND STRAIGHTENS UP.]

Mycroft [Like a breath]: Remarkable.

John[PAUSES, TAKES A DEEP BREATH AND TURNS BACK AROUND TO FACE MYCROFT]: What is?

Mycroft: Most people blunder about London only seeing streets and cars. When you walk with Sherlock Holmes, you only see the battlefield. And you’ve already seen it, haven’t you?  You’re not haunted by the war, Dr. Watson. You miss it. [smiles]. Welcome back. [WALKS OFF STAGE, STAGE RIGHT. UMBRELLA IS SWINGING] It’s time to choose a side Dr. Watson. The choice is yours.

[JOHN IS SPEECHLESS BY THE OBVIOUS DISMISSAL. HE NODS AGAIN, GIVES A MILITARY TURN AND GOES OFF STAGE LEFT. WE HEAR THE SOUND OF A CAR ENGINE STARTING UP AND DOORS SLAMMING SHUT. LIGHTS FADE TO BLACKOUT.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> O.S - off stage  
> [stage directions]  
>  _spoken words during lyrics, or texts_
> 
> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ our Tumblr ](https://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).


	2. Act One, Scene Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/) , or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.

ACT ONE SCENE TWO

[LIGHTS UP ON BAKER STREET. LITERALLY ON BAKER STREET. THE CURTAINS ARE CLOSED, THE STUPID DOOR IS RIGHT BETWEEN THE CURTAINS, AND THE LIGHTS COME UP ON JOHN AND SHERLOCK LEANING ON THE DOOR, GIGGLING.]

Sherlock: [Between laughter] And you invaded Afghanistan.

John: [Giggling] Not alone.

[THE OPENING EIGHT BARS OF _WE WALK TOGETHER_ START TO PLAY IN THE BACKGROUND. THE MUSIC GROWS UNTIL THE LYRICS ARE ABOUT TO START. SHERLOCK GROWS INCREASINGLY AGITATED.]

Mrs. Hudson (O.S): Sherlock, what have you done?!

[SHERLOCK IS INSTANTLY RELIEVED, AND HE TAKES OFF RIGHT AWAY FOR MRS. HUDSON. THE DOOR IS WIDE OPEN BEHIND HIM, AND JOHN, WITH A SIGH, FOLLOWS. AS SOON AS JOHN IS THROUGH THE DOOR, THE DOOR IS MOVED OFF STAGE. THE CURTAINS OPEN, AND WE SEE 221B BEING OVERRUN BY OFFICERS. THEY ARE SEARCHING THE PLACE, LOOKING FOR SOMETHING.]

Officer One: Check under these too? [holds up a jar of eyeballs]

Sherlock: Those are eyeballs.

Officer One: They were in the microwave.

Sherlock: I would tell you why they were there, but that is clearly above your mental comprehension.

[JOHN ENTERS THROUGH THE DOOR ON STAGE RIGHT. HE SEES LESTRADE STANDING NEAR THE WINDOWS ON STAGE LEFT, AND WALKS OVER TO HIM.]

John: Drugs bust? Really? Have you met this guy?

[SHERLOCK PAUSES WHAT HE WAS DOING AND LOOKS AT HIM AND HIS MOTIONS SAY THAT HE’S TRYING TO GET JOHN TO SHUT UP]

Lestrade [ignoring Sherlock]: We had to check the case.

[SHERLOCK GOES BACK TO OFFICER ONE]

John: The pink lady’s suitcase?

Lestrade: Well-

Donovan [cutting him off]: Well we found the case, and a certain psychopath told us that if we want to find the killer, we have to find the case. We found the case… [looks pointedly at Sherlock, who is arguing with Officer One.]

Sherlock [Scathingly]: I’m highly functioning sociopath, do your research.

[JOHN SIGHS. SUDDENLY, SHERLOCK LEAPS OVER TO THE TABLE BY THE WINDOW THAT JOHN, LESTRADE AND DONOVAN ARE STANDING DOWNSTAGE FROM. WITH AN EXCITED SOUND, HE FLIPS OPEN THE LAPTOP AND STARTS HAMMERING AT THE KEYS FURIOUSLY.]

Lestrade: What is it?

[SHERLOCK DOESN’T STOP TYPING]

Sherlock:  You searched the case; the one thing that was missing was a mobile phone. She knew she was going to die, so she left a clue to help find her killer. If there was no phone in the purse and the case, then the killer has it. The RACHEL she left on the floor isn’t the name of her daughter, it’s her password to track her phone. If any of you had looked, I mean _really looked,_ you would have noticed that on her suitcase there is an email address. She was smart, really smart, and she didn’t _forget_ her phone, she _planted_ it. [typing stops]. Aha!

[LESTRADE, DONOVAN AND JOHN ALL CROWD AROUND THE TABLE]

John: But .. it says the phone’s here.

Lestrade [AUTHORITATIVELY]: All right everyone, keep searching. We’re looking for a mobile phone. Probably pink.

Sherlock: Definitely pink.  But you won’t find it. It’s not here.

Donovan: But how can you confirm if its pink if you’ve not got it?

Sherlock: It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that the phone will be pink if the rest of her attire is pink. Well it shouldn’t take a genius. Obviously it does.

[BLANK LOOKS]

Sherlock: Good lord, what’s it like in your funny little brains? What’s it like not being me? Must be nice.

[MRS. HUDSON APPEARS AT THE DOOR]

Mrs. Hudson: There’s a cab waiting for you, Sherlock.

[SHERLOCK WHIPS HIS HEAD AROUND, AND HIS BODY LANGUAGE ASSUMES HE HAS FIGURED SOMETHING OUT. HE BOUNDS OVER TO THE COAT RACK AND GRABS HIS COAT, COMPLETELY UNOBSERVED BY THE REST OF THE FORCE; CUE _I HAVE A CASE_. THEY ARE ALL STANDING AROUND, SEARCHING. JOHN AND LESTRADE ARE ENGAGED IN CONVERSATION. SHERLOCK EXITS STAGE RIGHT, THROUGH THE DOORS;END CUE _I HAVE A CASE_. AT THE SOUND OF A DOOR SLAMMING SHUT, JOHN IS STARTLED OUT OF THE CONVERSATION, AND NOTICES SHERLOCK’S DISAPPEARANCE. _CUE MY CRAZY CRAZY MADMAN_ ]

John: Bloody hell.

[STARTS WALKING AROUND THE FLAT, GATHERING THE THINGS HE NEEDS (OFFSTAGE RIGHT TO GET THE GUN, BACK ON WHEN THE PIANO MELODY STARTS). BEFORE HE LEAVES, HE REFRESHES THE LAPTOP ONCE MORE. HE CURSES AND HEADS TOWARDS THE DOOR].

[ _My Crazy, Crazy Madman_ ](http://musescore.com/user/105483/scores/176801)

JOHN:

Rushed into danger

With no one at his back

Where has the crazy mad man gone?

[LEAVES THROUGH THE DOORS, IS OFF STAGE FOR A MOMENT AS THE CURTAINS CLOSE, STILL SINGING. JOHN ENTERS AGAIN FROM STAGE RIGHT, AND STARTS LOOKING FRANTICALLY]

 I have to follow the cabbie,

I have to find where Sherlock is,

Where has the crazy madman gone?

 

He could be anywhere,

Oh he could be anywhere!

I need to find my madman,

My crazy crazy madman.

_Spoken: I hope he’s in a restaurant.._

[JOHN IS NOW IN A CAB. HE IS RACING ALONG WITH THE MUSIC. HE EXITS STAGE LEFT FOR A MOMENT AND THEN THE CAB REENTERS STAGE LEFT, IN FRONT OF THE CURTAINS. CABBIE STOPS, THROWS MONEY AT HIM; THE CURTAINS OPEN TO REVEAL THE COLLEGE. WE SEE TWO BUILDINGS, JOHN RUNS STAGE RIGHT, CAB EXITS STAGE LEFT. WE SEE MOVEMENT IN THE STAGE LEFT BUILDING; JOHN IS OFFSTAGE NOW, BUT THE MUSIC IS STILL PULSING AND WE CAN HEAR HIM SINGING]

JOHN:

Oh where is the madman?

Where is that madman,

Where has he gone?

 

He came to the college,

He could be in any room,

And now be about to die.

[JOHN APPEARS AT THE AUDIENCE DOORS. HE STARTS RUNNING DOWN THE STAGE RIGHT SIDE, PRETENDING ITS IN THE SAME BUILDING. SHERLOCK AND THE CABBIE ARE IN THE OTHER BUILDING]

Where oh where can my madman be?

Where oh where

Can he be?

 

I need to find my madman,

My crazy, crazy madman.

 

I need to find my madman,

My crazy, crazy madman.

 

I have to go through these rooms,

Looking for him

 

Where is Sherlock Holmes?

Where are they hiding?

 

[Spoken]: Wherever it is, it is not easy to find.

 

In this large college,

He must found.

 

I need to find my madman,

My crazy, crazy, madman, madman, madman, madman.

[PAUSES ACROSS FROM THE MEN, PULLING OUT HIS GUN]

JOHN:

Is that where he is?

In that room,

With the cabbie,

across the alley?

[OPENS THE WINDOW, AND LEVELS THE GUN]

I have to save Sherlock Holmes,

Sherlock Holmes.

 

[THERE IS A LOUD BANG AND THE CABBIE DROPS TO THE FLOOR. AT THE SAME TIME, THE MUSIC CUTS OUT COMPLETELY, WE SEE SHERLOCK LOOKING AROUND, AND THE STAGE RIGHT LIGHTS CUT. HE MOVES STAGE RIGHT OVER TO THE WINDOW, AND WE SEE HIM EXAMINING SOMETHING. ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE STAGE, JOHN IS CROUCHED ON THE FLOOR, HIDING. SHERLOCK TURNS BACK TO THE CABBIE, WHO IS LYING ON THE FLOOR.]

Sherlock: There is still time to save you. Who sent you?

Cabbie: No’ gonna tell ya.

[SHERLOCK STEPS ON THE CABBIE’S LEFT SHOULDER. WE ASSUME THAT IS WHERE THE SHOT IS, AS THE CABBIE GRUNTS IN PAIN.]

Sherlock: I can go harder.

Cabbie [chuckles a bit]: I’m sure your flatmate will appreciate that.

[SHERLOCK SEEMS TO APPLY MORE PRESSURE AS THE CABBIE GRUNTS YET AGAIN.]

Sherlock [angrily]: GIVE ME A NAME.

Cabbie [screams]: MORIARTY.

[THE CABBIE GOES LIMP RIGHT AWAY, AND SHERLOCK, WITH THIS NEW FOUND KNOWLEDGE, LOOKS STUNNED. HE TURNS, LEAVING THE CABBIE’S DEAD BODY ON THE GROUND. THE LIGHTS GO OUT ON STAGE LEFT WHEN HE LEAVES. AT THIS CUE, JOHN GETS TO HIS KNEES AND LOOKS OUT THE WINDOW, LIGHTS HAVE GONE BACK UP ON STAGE RIGHT. SEEING NO ONE, HE STANDS AND LEAVES THE ROOM, WALKING BACK OUT INTO THE AUDIENCE. WE ARE OUTSIDE THE TWO BUILDINGS NOW, AND SHERLOCK IS SITTING IN AN AMBULANCE, ARGUING WITH THE PARAMEDIC ABOUT THE ORANGE SHOCK BLANKET DRAPED OVER HIS SHOULDERS.]

Sherlock [annoyed]: Why do you keep putting this on my shoulders?

[PARAMEDIC OFFERS NO RESPONSE, MOVING ON. SHERLOCK ANGRILY REMOVES THE BLANKET]

[LESTRADE WALKS UP TO HIM, AND TRIES TO PUT THE BLANKET BACK ON]

Lestrade: Here-

Sherlock [cutting him off]: Why do I keep getting this on my shoulders?

Lestrade: It’s a shock blanket. For shock.

Sherlock: I’m not in shock.

Lestrade [exasperated]: Just keep the blanket on.

Sherlock [petulantly]: No.

[JOHN, AT THIS CUE APPEARS UPSTAGE, BETWEEN THE TWO BUILDINGS. HE STANDS, INNOCENTLY, LOOKING SOMEWHERE ELSE. HIS HANDS ARE BEHIND HIS BACK.]

Sherlock: Did you find the shooter?

Lestrade: Lucky bastard escaped before we could find him. He’s bloody good, I’ll give him that.

Sherlock: He’s a crack shot.

Lestrade [sighs]: Alright, what have you got? [pauses for a moment] No, hold on, I’m writing it down this time.

Sherlock [Waits for Lestrade’s signal]: Obviously, our shooter is a crack shot. He’s very steady handed; if his hand even shook a bit, he would have shot me.  You’re looking for a man who has seen war –

[JOHN SHIFTS A BIT. SHERLOCK CUTS HIMSELF OFF. LESTRADE LOOKS UP FROM WRITING DOWN]

Lestrade: Seen war….

Sherlock: Nope forget what I’ve said. It’s just the shock talking.

Lestrade [confused]: Sherlock, you just told me you’re not in shock..

Sherlock: Look I’ve got a shock blanket!

Lestrade: But you’re not in shock.

Sherlock: Irrelevant.

Lestrade: It can’t be that irrelevant if you’re telling me to forget what you’ve said!

Sherlock [shaking the blanket]: Shock blanket!

 [SHERLOCK GETS UP OFF THE STEP OF THE AMBULANCE AND STARTS TO WALK TOWARDS JOHN. ALONG THE WAY, HE DISCARDS THE BLANKET THAT WAS DRAPED ACROSS HIS SHOULDERS. AS HE DOES, THE BUILDINGS MOVE, AND JOHN COMES DOWN STAGE TO CENTRE STAGE.]

Sherlock: Good shot.

John [Innocently]: Yea, had to be, with that distance. Do they know who did it?

[Sherlock makes no reply.]

Sherlock: Hungry?

John:  I’m so glad you asked.

Sherlock: I know a good Chinese place a couple of streets down.

John: I know exactly what I’m getting.

[AS THE TWO OF THEM START TO WALK OFF STAGE RIGHT, THEY ENCOUNTER A BLACK CAR. AGAINST THE BLACK CAR LEANS MYCROFT HOLMES, DRESSED IN A SUIT, SUPPORTING HIS WEIGHT WITH AN UMBRELLA IN HIS LEFT HAND.]

Mycroft [Mockingly]:  Another case solved. Well done.

Sherlock [Scathingly]: What are _you_ doing here?

Mycroft [Lightly]: I’m concerned about you.

Sherlock [Mockingly]: OH YES! The _concern._  I’ve been hearing about your concern.

Mycroft [Chidingly]: Always so aggressive. We’ve more in common that you like to believe. This feud is childish. People will suffer, and you know how that always upsets Mummy.

[JOHN FROWNS]

Sherlock: ME? I upset her!? It wasn’t _me_ who upset her, Mycroft.

John:  Wait – Sherlock hold on a second. Mummy? Who’s Mummy?

Sherlock [Looking at Mycroft]: Mother – our mother. This is my _brother,_ Mycroft.

John: He’s your _brother??_

Sherlock [exasperated]: Yes. What else would he be?

John: So he’s not..

Sherlock [eye roll]: Not what?

John [embarrassed]: I dunno, a criminal mastermind?

Sherlock: He might as well be.

Mycroft: I occupy a minor position in the British government.

Sherlock:  You _are_ the British government.

[MYCROFT SIGHS]

Sherlock: Good evening.

Mycroft: Wars aren’t good for traffic. If you’re going to start one, wait till I get home.

[SHERLOCK WALKS AWAY TOWARDS STAGE RIGHT. JOHN HESITATES AND FOLLOWS]

Mycroft: Good night, Doctor Watson.

[LIGHTS DIM ON HIM, LEAVING SOME LIGHT ON  THE STAGE. THE THEME MUSIC STARTS TO PLAY IN THE BACKGROUND. SHERLOCK TWITCHES]

John: It’s just the instrumental music – no singing.

Sherlock [snaps]: I’m aware.

[Speeds up pace and vanishes off stage]

John [to himself]: Right. Doesn’t like singing. Which is weird, given that the majority of people just accept it as a fact of life, but this is definitely not the weirdest thing about Sherlock Holmes.

[LIGHTS BLACKOUT WHEN HE GETS OFF STAGE RIGHT]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ Our Tumblr](http://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).


	3. Act One, Scene Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so this was supposed to be posted last week, and you have my sincere apologies for keeping you waiting. I was under the illusion that when taking a break from studying for my physics and accounting finals, I'd be able to post a chapter. Of course, that obviously did not happen, something that I'm sorry about. I was thinking that I'd have a lot of time to study and get my life organized, but that was overshadowed by the fact that both exams were in the afternoon, two days apart. So I slept. A lot. I basically lost the two days between physics and accounting due to sleeping, something which I obviously needed but was detrimental to my posting. And without further ado, the disclaimer! 
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/) , or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.

ACT ONE SCENE THREE

[LIGHTS UP ON THE BUSTLING STREETS OF LONDON. PEOPLE ARE GOING EVERY WHICH WAY, GOING AT DIFFERENT SPEEDS. AFTER A FEW SECONDS, JOHN ENTERS UPSTAGE LEFT, LOOKING PISSED. THERE IS A BRIEF MOMENT WHEN THE AUDIENCE CAN SEE HIS FACE BEFORE IT’S SWALLOWED BY THE CROWD. SUDDENLY THERE’S A SHOUT.]

Boy: THE CLOUDS ARE MOVING IN!

[ALMOST INSTANTLY, THERE ARE UMBRELLAS BEING FISHED OUT.  A FEW GROANS EMERGE FROM THE CROWD AS THE SOUND OF THUNDER RUMBLES IN THE BACKGROUND.]

[  _It’s Bloody Raining Again_](http://musescore.com/user/105483/scores/176804)

[SAME BOY AS BEFORE] Boy: Look to the east,

There is a cloud

Moving in.

And that cloud,

takes the tears away

[Spoken by street person]: _You’re nuts mate!_

[Someone else] _Really?_

[Woman]: But that cloud,

Never stays.

[Girl]: There’s just something,

About this cloud,

And it always comes on gray days,

[Man]: And on those gray days,

Its bloody raining again.

 

[Ensemble]

It’s bloody raining again,

I swear to god it just finished raining,

And then, when there’s a break,

The rain is falling yet again

 

We always have rain,

It’s just the way things go.

When you live in London,

It never stops.

 

The rain usually comes,

On such frequent times,

When it does,

Everyone breaks out in song,

Because there’s nothing you can do but sing along.

 

And when the rain,

The rain,

The rain has come back again,

[people]: _Oh joy, not again, etc. etc,_

 

[Ensemble]: EXCEPT!  It’s bloody, bloody, bloody, it’s bloody raining once again!

 

Raining [x 20]

Raaaaaiininnngggg

Again!!

 

[PEOPLE START TO MAKE THEIR WAY TO WHEREVER THEY WERE GOING AS THE DRIZZLES PETERS OFF. JOHN LOOKS LESS HARASSED, BUT STILL A BIT HARASSED. HE ENDS UP GOING TOWARDS 221B, WHICH HAS A SHERLOCK HOLMES OUTSIDE OF IT.]

Sherlock [looking up]: You’re late.

John: Got caught up in a street ensemble of _It’s Bloody Raining Again._

Sherlock [making a face]: You’re also missing the shopping.

John: Yea about that – I had a small argument with the chip and pin machine. It was a really small argument. Nothing to be concerned about. Just a small disagreement. Not like it was a full blown argument or anything. [Awkward chuckle]. No shouting was involved. None what so ever. No rage. Or any rage filled solo. Just a minor argument.

[SHERLOCK SEEMS UNIMPRESSED]

Sherlock [sudden]: We’re going to the bank.

John:  … alright…

[THE TWO MEN MOVE FROM IN FRONT OF THE FLAT AND THE PEOPLE ARE ALL HUMMING _ITS BLOODY RAINING AGAIN_ AND SHERLOCK IGNORES THEM ALL, SWEEPING THROUGH THEM.]

John: So where are we going?

Sherlock: To the bank.

John: Alright.

[THEY STAND IN SILENCE FOR A WHILE. THE BACKGROUND NOISE MORPHS INTO YET ANOTHER RENDITION OF _ITS BLOODY RAINING AGAIN_ WHICH IS IGNORED BY SHERLOCK AS HE LOOKS ALONG THE STAGE. JOHN IS SINGING ALONG WHEN SHERLOCK FINALLY FLAGS A CAB DOWN.]

_It’s Bloody Raining Again Reprise_

John and Ensemble: It’s bloody raining again,

I swear to god it just finished raining,

And then, when there’s a break,

The rain is falling yet again.

 

[THE CAB STOPS AND SHERLOCK CLAMBERS IN WITHOUT A WORD. JOHN SCRAMBLES AFTER HIM AND THE DOORS SLAM. THE BACKGROUND MUSIC MUTES IN THE BACKGROUND WHEN THE DOOR CLOSES. AROUND THEM, THE CURTAINS CLOSE, LEAVING THE CAB OUT IN FRONT OF THE CURTAIN. _CUE I HAVE A CASE]_

John: So…

 

[ _I Have A Case!_ ](http://musescore.com/user/207805/scores/219906)

Sherlock [ignores John] I have a case! A case, John, at last I have a case!

An intriguing set of complex mysteries,

An end to boredom and a chance

to prove I’m better than the authorities!

 

I have a case, John!

A new set of mysteries.

My boredom is gone at last,

There’s a murder waiting for me!

 

I have a case! Look at this, I finally have a case!

The thrill of battle rages

Before a midnight chase.

A great adventure,

Deductions of so much brilliance,

Ending with some praise!

 

I have a case, John!

A new set of mysteries.

My boredom is gone at last,

There’s a murder waiting for me!

 

You think it’s for the justice,

But it’s not quite that profound.

You see, a case is a chance to work and to find bliss,

A chance to do something,

Time to find purpose,

Instead of just lying around!

 

I have a case, John!

A new set of mysteries.

My boredom is gone at last,

There’s a murder waiting for me!

 

Justice is overrated, and this is just for fun,

They may call me “Freak”

And still they’ll call me back each week,

Because they know how well I can get the job done!

 

I have a case, John!

A new set of mysteries.

My boredom is gone at last,

There’s a murder waiting for me!

 

I have a, I have a,

I have a case!

Here comes a mystery

And some unavoidable controversy.

It’s just like Christmas all in one!

[During the time of the solo, the cab has gotten to the destination of the bank. John was sitting in shocked silence].

 

Sherlock: Right, stop here.

[SHERLOCK FLINGS HIMSELF OUT OF THE CAB AS JOHN SCRAMBLES TO PAY AND KEEP UP].

John: What do we need from the bank?

[SHERLOCK LOOKS AT HIM]

John: Oh right.

[THE CURTAINS HAVE OPENED, AND THERE IS THE BUSTLING OF PEOPLE AS THEY MOVE ABOUT THEIR DAILY LIVES AND GO ABOUT WORK. BOTH SHERLOCK AND JOHN MOVE UPSTAGE LEFT TO WHERE A LADY IS BEHIND A COUNTER.]

Sherlock: Sherlock Holmes

Lady: Go right ahead, Sebastian’ll be right there.

[THE BOYS MOVE STAGE RIGHT AND OPEN A DOOR. WE SEE SEBASTIAN’S  OFFICE MINUS SEBASTIAN. JOHN AND SHERLOCK SIT IN SILENCE. SEBASTIAN ENTERS STAGE LEFT, AND PASSES BY THE LADY]

Lady: Sherlock Holmes is waiting in your office.

Sebastian: Oh, Ol’ Sherlock came on down? Really?

Lady: That’s who he said he is. I’m not sure if it’s really him.

Sebastian: Did he say anything to you? Anything rude? Any scathing remarks?

Lady: Not particularly. I knew you’d wanted to see him, so I sent him...

[SEBASTIAN MOVES INTO HIS OFFICE WHILE THE LADY’S SPEAKING AND THE LIGHTS CUT OUT ON STAGE LEFT]

Sherlock: Ah, Sebastian.

[THEY SHAKE HANDS]

Sebastian: Sherlock, good to see you again.

Sherlock: This is my... [pause] friend, Dr. John Watson.

John [quickly]: Colleague, actually.

[SHERLOCK LOOKS AT JOHN AS HE AND SEBASTIAN SHAKE HANDS]

Sebastian [shaking hand]: Sebastian, Sebastian Wilkes.

Sherlock: How was your trip?

Sebastian: Oh you still do that thing? [to John] He used to do this thing where he would read your whole life story in how you dressed. We went to uni together and he’d always come down to breakfast and know who shagged who. So what gave it away this time?

Sherlock [tightly]: Actually, while we were waiting, I had a conversation with your secretary.

Sebastian [surprised that the man would actually chat with the secretary]: Oh. Well we have an issue. Someone broke into the building and vandalized one of the paintings. Being a bank we’ve people coming in at all hours of the day, so the doors are always open. But the security footage taken a minute apart, and we are on the eleventh floor, shows no one in the first frame and then this vandalism in the second.

[SHERLOCK LOOKS IMPATIENT BUT DOES NOT PUSH SABASTIAN TO GET TO THE POINT]

Sebastian: And it can only be seen from the Hong Kong worker’s cubicle.

[PHONE MESSAGE SOUND, SHERLOCK DISCREETLY TAKES OUT HIS PHONE TO READ THE TEXT AS SEBASTIAN’S VOICE DECREASES TO ALLOW THE TEXT TO BE READ OUT LOUD]

Lestrade [O.S]: _New case – locked room suicide/murder._

Sherlock [abruptly cutting off Sebastian as he stands, phone out and lost in his own thought]: I’ll be in touch.

[JOHN STANDS AS WELL AND SHAKES SEBASTIAN’S HAND AS THEY LEAVE THE OFFICE AND GO OFFSTAGE LEFT]

Lady: Do you know if Van Coon will be coming in today?

Sebastian: He’s the Hong Kong banker, the one who is directly across from the sign, but he should be in if he wasn’t already. Why do you care? Listen, get me Dale on the phone, and let me know when Sullivan gets in.

Lady: Right away sir.

[LIGHTS FADE TO  BLACKOUT]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ Our Tumblr](http://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).


	4. Act One, Scene Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/), or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.

ACT ONE SCENE FOUR

[LIGHTS UP ON JOHN STAGE LEFT, TIED TO A CHAIR. THERE IS A LADY NEXT TO HIM, WHO IS BOUND AND TIED TO A CHAIR AS WELL. SHE HAS A PIECE OF FABRIC IN HER MOUTH TO STOP THE SCREAMING; REGARDLESS, SHE IS STILL SCREAMING, BUT ITS MORE SUBDUED, AS IF SHE HAS BEEN SCREAMING FOR A WHILE. JOHN IS NOT FIGHTING WITH HIS BONDS, BUT IS JUST SITTING AND WAITING FOR SOMETHING WITH A VERY EXPECTANT AIR AROUND HIM. AS THE LIGHTS CONTINUE TO FADE UP, AN OLDER CHINESE WOMAN ENTERS THE STAGE FROM STAGE RIGHT. SHE IS SPINNING SOMETHING IN HER FINGERS. THEY ARE IN A SEWER OR TUNNEL OR SOME UNDERGROUND STATION OF SOME SORT. CUE _TUNNEL_ ]

Woman: So Mr. Holmes. It is nice of you to join us. If you do not co-operate, your little lady will die. Unless, of course, you decide to die for her.

John: Mr. Holmes? No I’m not Sherlock Holmes, I’m John Watson.

Woman: No no no you are Mr. Holmes. We hear you on the street saying you are Sherlock Holmes. You have credit card issued to Sherlock Holmes. You reserve ticket for show under Sherlock Holmes. You are Sherlock Holmes.

John: No, you don’t understand, I only have his card because he let me use it for the shopping, and he reserved tickets for me. Look I don’t know why I’m explaining my life to you, but I’m not Sherlock Holmes and since I’m not Sherlock Holmes, her life [nods toward Sarah] is not endangered.

Woman: Alright Mr. Holmes, since you are not co-operating, I will just string this and poof.

[GUARD COMES AND MOVES SARAH’S CHAIR AS THE LADY STRINGS THE THING SHE WAS TWIRLING, WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE AN ARROW. SHE STRINGS IT AND PAUSES, STABBING A SAND BAG. SARAH STARTS TO SQUIRM; ]

Woman: You know how this works, Mr. Holmes. Once the sandbag comes down, the arrow will be released and your little lady will be no more.

John [desperate now]: No, I’m really not Sherlock Holmes!

Woman: If you hand over the pin she won’t get hurt.

John: Look I don’t know how you got into your head that I’m Sherlock Holmes, but I’m not. I’m _not Sherlock Holmes!_

Woman: I don’t believe you.

Sherlock [O.S]: You should you know.

[WOMAN LOOKS AROUND, SEGUE FROM _TUNNEL_ INTO _HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY_ ]

Sherlock: How would you describe me, John? Resourceful? Dynamic? Enigmatic?

John [tetchily]: Late?

 

[ _Here I Come to Save the Day_ ](http://musescore.com/user/207805/scores/221006)

Sherlock:

Here I come to save the day

Here I come to help

My name is Sherlock Holmes

And I’m here to save the day

 

My name is Sherlock Holmes

I am here to save the day

John, you needed my help,

And here I am to save the day

 

Here I am, here I am.

 

Here I come to save the day

Here I come

Here I come

Here I am

 

[DURING THE SONG, JOHN IS TRYING KEEP SARAH FROM BEING SHOT BY CIRCUS EQUIPMENT FINALLY, AS THE SONG CLIMAXES, THE ARROW FIRES AT THE SAME TIME THAT JOHN MANAGES TO KNOCK THE STAND AWAY FROM SARAH’S DIRECTION. WHEN THE ARROW FIRES THE WOMAN RUNS DEEPER INTO THE TUNNEL  SHERLOCK GOES TO HELP SARAH AND JOHN BECOME UNBOUND. CUE OUT _HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY_  ]

John: So would it be alright if I accompanied you home?

Sarah:  You’re a great guy, but maybe we can just be friends.

John [taken aback]: Oh alright then.

[SHERLOCK LOOKS SMUG AS SARAH WALKS OFF STAGE RIGHT. SHERLOCK AND JOHN STAND AROUND FOR A BIT.]

John[staring after her]: I suppose I should just accept that this kind of thing is just going to keep happening to me.

Sherlock [shrugging, offhandedly]: Only if you continue to spend time with me.

John: It’s better than sitting in front of the telly watching the rubbish they put on it.

[THEY START TO WALK SLOWLY TOWARDS STAGE RIGHT AS SHERLOCK GIVES A BEAMING SMILE. SUDDENLY JOHN STOPS.]

John: Christ Sherlock.

[JOHN APPEARS TO BE NERVOUS]

Sherlock:  You just survived the Chinese mafia and you’re nervous now?

[JOHN TAKES A DEEP BREATH BEFORE TAKING SHERLOCK INTO A CRUSHING HUG, HAND ON THE BACK OF THE HEAD, NOSE BURIED IN SHERLOCK’S COLLAR]

John: You’re worth more than any number of jade pins.

[SHERLOCK IS SILENT,  AND AWKWARDLY CRUSHED TO JOHN; JOHN SQUEEZES HIM ONE MORE TIME BEFORE HE REALIZES THE POSITION THEY’RE IN AND AWKWARDLY STEPS BACKWARDS.]

John [coughs]: Right.

Sherlock: I agree. Much better than watching the rubbish they put on the telly these days.

[ _CUE WE WALK TOGETHER OPENING BARS._ JOHN SMILES WIDELY AND SHERLOCK LOOKS AGITATED AND THEN STOPS SUDDENLY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. _CUE OUT WE WALK TOGETHER_ ]

Sherlock: I’ve just remembered, I need to get something. I’ll see you at home.

[SHERLOCK RUNS OFFSTAGE RIGHT LEAVING JOHN GAPING AFTER HIM, LOOKING STUNNED. LIGHTS FADE OUT.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ our Tumblr ](https://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).  
> Stay tuned for scene five next week!


	5. Act One, Scene Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so if you've been following along on tumblr, I said that I didn't want to post the next scene because the music wasn't done. It's still not done. Sorry. But, I was on the piano the other day and I started writing __Irene Adler , so I'm not totally goofing off. Also, it looks as if Act One will have about 11 scenes to it - and I did manage to write a case.
> 
> And now, without further ado, the disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/), or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.

ACT ONE SCENE FIVE

[LIGHTS UP ON BAKER STREET. IT IS MIDDAY AND SHERLOCK AND JOHN ARE SITTING AROUND THE FLAT. SHERLOCK IS EXPERIMENTING AND THERE IS MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND.  JOHN IS IN THE KITCHEN, SEEMINGLY MAKING TEA].

[ _The Comforts Of Tea_ ](http://musescore.com/user/185749/scores/191542)

When you feel all alone in your sorrows,

And your troubles have no end to see,

Then it’s time to go put on the kettle,

And take comfort in tea.

 

When you’re tired and weary and hopeless,

A hot beverage is just what you need,

It warms body and heart and soul,

That’s the comfort of tea.

 

And it may not solve your problems

And you still might be lonely,

But it makes you feel much better,

Oh the comforts of tea.

 

When you’re sick and you simply feel awful,

And there’s no medicine to be seen,

Drink a cup, let it soothe your throat,

That’s the comfort of tea.

 

When you’re lonely and your friends are gone,

Make this drink and stir in some honey,

It will give you the sweetness you’re seeking,

That’s the comfort of tea.

And it may not solve your problems,

And you might still be lonely,

But it makes you feel much better,

Oh the comforts of tea _!_

[JOHN FINISHES MAKING TEA AS THE SONG ENDS, HE BRINGS IT TO SHERLOCK, WHO IGNORES IT IN FAVOUR OF CONTINUING HIS EXPERIMENTATION. _CUE THE EXPERIMENT SONG_ , JOHN GOES AND STARTS POKING AT HIS BLOG, TEA BESIDE HIM]

_The Experiment Song_

Sherlock:

There’s so much to see

In the universe

That you can discover through science

 

There are mysteries

Which you can explore

Through science

 

There are mysteries unsolved,

From large to small,

Discovered through science.

 

If Mendeleev hadn’t created his table,

Where would we be today?

Without science?

 

We all need:

Hydrogen and helium

And lithium, beryllium

Boron, carbon, nitrogen and oxy-

 

[AS THE SONG GOES ON, JOHN IS MOVING ALONG WITH THE MUSIC AND NODDING HIS HEAD AND  EVENTUALLY HE STARTS TO HUM A SOFT COUNTER MELODY. SHERLOCK, ONCE HE HEARS, CUTS OFF SO ABRUPTLY THAT THE MUSIC KEEPS GOING FOR A BIT BEFORE IT CUTS OUT]

[SHERLOCK APPEARS BY THE CHAIR, WEARING HIS DRESSING GOWN AND LOOKS AT JOHN]

John [frustrated noise]: Christ, Sherlock, can’t we just bloody sing a song together?

Sherlock [coldly]: I don’t sing with others.

[SHERLOCK SWEEPS OUT OF THE ROOM, BUT WE CAN HEAR HIM TINKERING IN THE KITCHEN]

John:  What, you never had a family song?

Sherlock [still in the kitchen]: I did. It was instrumental.

John: That explains so much.

Sherlock: What?

John: No, never mind.

[SHERLOCK STARES AT JOHN FOR A FEW MORE MINUTES BEFORE HE TURNS AND VANISHES BACK TO THE KITCHEN. JOHN CONTINUES TO SIT FOR A MOMENT BEFORE SHERLOCK COMES BACK OUT. HE IS NO LONGER WEARING HIS GOGGLES – INSTEAD, HE BEELINES TO HIS CHAIR, WHICH HAS THE VIOLIN PLACED ON IT. JOHN CONTINUES TO POKE AT THE BLOG. SHERLOCK PICKS UP THE VIOLIN, DOES VIOLINY STUFF WITH IT, AND  EVENTUALLY STARTS TO PLAY VIOLIN.]

John [putting laptop away]: I’m going out.

[SHERLOCK OFFERS NO RESPONSE AND CONTINUES TO PLAY, AS JOHN GETS READY AND GOES OUT, SLOWLY MORPHING INTO HIS _BORED SONG;_ SHERLOCK HUMS ALONG, MAYBE EVEN SINGS. THIS PLAYS THROUGH TWICE; DURING THIS TIME, THE LIGHT SHIFTS OUTSIDE. EVENTUALLY, SHERLOCK GETS BORED AND VANISHES OFF STAGE RIGHT FOR A MOMENT; LIGHT CONTINUES TO SHIFT OUTSIDE; SHERLOCK REAPPEARS TWIRLING A GUN IN ONE HAND AND A YELLOW SPRAY PAIN CAN IN HIS LEFT. HE DRAWS AN EIGHTH NOTE ON THE WALL ABOVE THE FIREPLACE. HE THEN COLLAPSES DOWN WITH A HUFF AND LAZILY STARTS SHOOTING THE WALL, MORE SPECIFICALLY, THE NOTE. IT IS ON THE FOURTH SHOT THAT THE FLAT DOOR OPENS AND JOHN RE ENTERS FROM STAGE RIGHT]

John: What the _hell_ are you doing?

Sherlock [petulantly]: Bored.

John: I was gone for a half hour, you can’t even… [quietly] .. what?

Sherlock [loudly]: BORED!

[SHERLOCK STANDS AND STARTS TWIRLING AND SHOOTING WITH THE GUN, BUT THIS IS OBVIOUSLY SO WELL TIMED BECAUSE HE’S ONLY HITTING THE WALLS AND DAMN SON, SHERLOCK’S ACTUALLY A PRETTY GOOD SHOT WHEN HE DOESN’T CARE. AFTER ALMOST TWO ROTATIONS, HE STOPS, ALLOWING HIS ARMS TO FLOP TO HIS SIDES. JOHN MOVES FROM THE DOOR AND TAKES THE GUN OUT OF SHERLOCK’S HAND AND LOCKS IT AWAY AS SHERLOCK CONTINUES TO MOPE]

Sherlock: The criminal classes are so boring. Good job I’m not one of them.

John: So you take it out on the wall.

[SHERLOCK MOVES TO THE WALL, STROKING IT]

Sherlock: The wall had it coming.

[SHERLOCK FLOPS DOWN ONTO THE COUCH, JOHN MOVES INTO THE KITCHEN. THERE’S A MOMENT OF SILENCE AND SUDDENLY A QUIET “oh f” FROM THE KITCHEN]

John [calls out]: A head!

[MOVES INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND GLARES AT SHERLOCK, STILL ON THE COUCH]

John: A severed head.

Sherlock: I’ll have tea, thanks.

John: There’s a head in the fridge.

Sherlock [serene]: Yes.

John: A BLOODY HEAD!

Sherlock: Where else did you expect me to put it?

[JOHN DOESN’T REPLY]

Sherlock: I see you’ve written up the taxi case.

John: Uh, yea [glances over his shoulder at the fridge and moves towards Sherlock’s armchair.]

Sherlock: A Study in Pink.

John: Yea, pink lady, pink case.. did you like it?

[SHERLOCK REACHES FOR A MAGAZINE THAT IS ON THE TABLE NEAR HIM]

Sherlock[speaks to pages]: Erm, no.

John: What? [looks at Sherlock] Why not? I thought you’d be flattered.

[SHERLOCK PUTS THE MAGAZINE DOWN]

Sherlock:  Flattered? [quoting the blog] “Sherlock sees through everyone and everything in a matter of seconds. What’s incredible is how _spectacularly ignorant_ he is about some things.”

John: Now hang on .. I didn’t mean that in a …

Sherlock: OH! You meant spectacularly ignorant in a _nice_ way. Look it doesn’t matter to me who’s Prime Minister.

John [quietly]: Whether the Earth goes around the sun.

Sherlock: Not that _again_. Look, it’s not important.

John: Whether it is or isn’t important doesn’t matter! It’s primary school knowledge, Sherlock!

[SHERLOCK GROANS IN EXASPERATION AND CURLS UP ON THE COUCH. MYCROFT APPEARS IN THE DOOR AS JOHN LOOKS AS IF HE WANTS TO KILL SHERLOCK. JUST AS JOHN IS ABOUT TO START SPEAKING, SHERLOCK STOPS HIM]

Sherlock: Tell my brother to go away. I can’t spare the time.

[JOHN LOOKS AT SHERLOCK’S BACK IN DISBELIEF AS MYCROFT MOVES TO SIT DOWN IN JOHN’S CHAIR ]

Mycroft [grandly]: Never mind your usual trivia. This is of national importance.

Sherlock [sulkily]: How’s the diet?

Mycroft [ignoring Sherlock]: Perhaps you can get through to him, John.

John [sits down in Sherlock’s chair with a shock]: What?

Mycroft: My brother can be very obdurate.

Sherlock [petulantly]: If you’re so keen ,why don’t _you_ investigate?

Mycroft: No-no-no-no. I can’t _possibly_ be away from the office for any length of time. The Korean elections…

[JOHN LOOKS AT HIM SHARPLY]

Mycroft: Well you don’t need to know about that. Besides, a case like this requires [as if he bit into a lemon] _legwork._

[JOHN GETS UP AND WALKS AROUND THE FLAT; MYCROFT WATCHES AS HE MOVES; SHERLOCK IS STILL CURLED IN A BALL]

Mycroft: Sherlock’s .. _business.._ seems to have picked up since the two of you became … _pals…_

[SHERLOCK MUTTERS SOMETHING AND CURLS UP MORE TIGHT INTO A BALL. I’M 600% SURE THAT IF LOOKS COULD KILL THE SOFA WOULD BE ON FIRE].

Mycroft [to John, who sits with on the coffee table with a thump]: What’s he like to live with?

John: I’m never bored.

Mycroft [condescendingly]: Good! …..That’s good, right?

[SHERLOCK MUTTERS AGAIN AND CONSTRICTS FURTHER. JOHN LOOKS TORN, POSSIBLY BETWEEN IGNORING THE SEXY ARSE THAT’S SITTING RIGHT BEHIND HIM, OR GOING OVER AND LAVISHING IT. MYCROFT STANDS UP WITH A FILE IN HIS HAND. HE GOES OVER TO STAND AT SHERLOCK’S HEAD. SHERLOCK IGNORES IT, CURLING IMPOSSIBLY FURTHER. MYCROFT GRIMACES AND MOVES AROUND TO STAND IN FRONT OF JOHN AND OFFER THE FOLDER TO HIM INSTEAD.  SHERLOCK’S PHONE RINGS, MYCROFT LOOKS ALMOST PISSED THAT THERE IS MOVEMENT FROM THE LUMP THAT IS HIS BROTHER AT A RINGING PHONE BUT NOT AT HIM.]

Sherlock[scrambles to semi-up right position, and somehow manages to sound not out of breath when he answers]: Sherlock Holmes.

Lestrade [o.s]:  I’ve something for you at the office. Will you come?

Sherlock: Of course. How could I refuse?

Lestrade[o.s]: Good.

[SHERLOCK RINGS OFF; STANDS UP AND MOVES TO THE FLAT DOOR, WATCHES MYCROFT, WHO WATCHES HIM BACK; THEY STAND LIKE THAT UNTIL JOHN GETS UNCOMFORTABLE]

John [coughs and stands]: Ahrm. Right, I’ll get him to take a look at that Mycroft. We’ll see you later.

[MYCROFT GIVES HIM AN EVEN LOOK BEFORE WALKING TO THE DOOR AND PAUSING TO LOOK AT OUR BABY BOYS]

Mycroft: Goodbye John.  I’ll see you _very_ soon.

[MYCROFT EXITS AND SHERLOCK SLAMS THE DOOR BEHIND HIM, GIVING AN ALMOST IMPERCEPTIBLE SIGH OF RELIEF]

John:  Who called?

Sherlock: Lestrade. I’ve been summoned.

[BOUNDS OFF THROUGH THE KITCHEN AND WE HEAR HIS FOOTSTEPS PATTER THROUGH UNTIL THEY STOP]

Sherlock [O.S; WE CAN HEAR CLOSET LIKE MOVEMENTS]: Coming?

John: If you want me to.

[A BRIEF PAUSE AS THE CLOSET-LIKE MOVEMENTS DIE OFF, THEN WE HEAR FOOTSTEPS; SHERLOCK APPEARS IN THE LIVING ROOM DRESSED IN HIS AUBERGINE SHIRT OF SEX™ UNDER HIS SUIT JACKET. HE PAUSES WHEN HE GETS TO THE LIVING ROOM]

Sherlock: Of course.

[BOTH BOYS HEAD OVER TO THE DOOR, WHERE THEIR COATS ARE WAITING. SHERLOCK PICKS UP JOHN’S COAT, HANDS IT TO HIM, THEN PICKS UP HIS OWN. BEFORE PUTTING IT ON HE PAUSES.]

Sherlock: I’d be lost without my blogger.

[JOHN LOOKS UP AT HIM, AS HE PUTS ON HIS COAT, AND THEN JOHN LEADS THE WAY OUT OF THE FLAT. SHERLOCK PAUSES IN THE DOORWAY TO FLICK OFF THE LIGHTS, AND _CUE WE WALK TOGETHER OPENING BARS._ FROWNING ANGRILY AT THE MUSIC, HE FLIPS OFF THE LIGHT, LEAVING ONLY ‘THE DAYLIGHT’ STREAMING INTO THE FLAT, TWIRLS OUT THE DOOR AND SLAMS IT SHUT, CUTTING THE MUSIC OUT. ANY REMAINING LIGHTS FADE TO BLACKOUT.]

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ our Tumblr ](https://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).


	6. Act One, Scene Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy news! You can listen to all the music in this scene because it"s all done! Yay! I've started working on Act Two, and I apologize for the sudden name change, it's just that I'll have all the acts as their own stories to make it easier.
> 
> And now, without further ado, the disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/), or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.

ACT ONE, SCENE SIX

[LIGHTS UP ON A POOL. STAGE RIGHT ARE THE CHANGE ROOMS, WHERE THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE; ONE WE RECOGNIZE RIGHT AWAY TO BE JOHN, AND THE OTHER IS A DARK HAIRED MAN IN A SUIT. HIS HAIR IS NEATLY COMBED. STAGE LEFT, THERE IS SOME MOVEMENT WE CAN HEAR, SHUFFLING FEET, AND EVERY SO OFTEN A MUTTERED CURSE. SOMETHING METALLIC CATCHES LIGHT EVERY SO OFTEN; IT SOUNDS LIKE PEOPLE ARE TRYING TO HIDE THEMSELVES. JOHN IS NOT STANDING, BUT IS INSTEAD SLOUCHED AGAINST THE WALL. HE SEEMS TO BE KNOCKED OUT. _Cue POOL_ WHEN JOHN STARTS STIRRING.]

John: Uuugh.

Moriarty: There you are, all packaged up.

[STEPS BACK TO ADMIRE HANDIWORK]

Moriarty: You really do look beautiful. A round of applause to whoever packaged you up like that.

[MOVEMENT OUTSIDE GETS LOUDER]

Moriarty: Excuse me for a second, Johnny boy.

[MORIARTY MOVES STAGE LEFT TO THE CHANGE ROOM DOORS AND STEPS OUT. LIGHTS GO UP ON STAGE LEFT, WHERE WE SEE… NOTHING.]

Moriarty: DO YOU WANT SHERLOCK TO HEAR YOU BEFORE THE BIG REVEAL? SHUT UP, ALL OF YOU!

[MOVEMENT NOISES STOP AT ONCE. SATISFIED, MORIARTY MOVES BACK TO JOHN. LIGHTS REMAIN UP ON STAGE LEFT.]

Moriarty [in that really fake way of speaking]: It suits you.

[JOHN MAKES NO REACTION. JIM GETS ALL PISSED.]

Moriarty: Aw, come on, have a reaction. Go on, you know you want to.

[STALKS AROUND JOHN.]

Moriarty: You could even sing a song. [puts on a fake high voice] _Who will rescue me from this nightmare? Where is the detective who will save me from the genius with the sexy hair?_

[JOHN GRIMACES AND SOMEHOW VISIBLY GRITS HIS TEETH]

Moriarty [chuckles]: No? Well, maybe later, when [voice changes to a girly one] _Sherlock_ [normal] turns up!

[MOVEMENT ON STAGE LEFT. THE SOUND OF A DOOR OPENING HAS MORIARTY LOOKING EXCITED. HE BOUNDS FORWARD TO ATTACH AN EARPIECE TO JOHN AS SHERLOCK ENTERS UPSTAGE LEFT.]

Sherlock: I brought a little getting to know you present.

[DOOR SLAMS SHUT BEHIND HIM AS HE LOOKS AROUND, CHECKING HIS SURROUNDINGS. _CUE OUT POOL_ ]

Moriarty [to John, fixing the earpiece to his head]: It’s show time dearie.

[JOHN GLARES AT HIM AS SHERLOCK STARTS RAMBLING ON IN THE BACKGROUND]

Sherlock: It was all to distract me from this! [holds up the stick]  The Bruce Partington Plans. All your little puzzles and your little games to distract me from what you were really after.

[JOHN IS PUSHED OUT THE DOOR AS SHERLOCK IS STALKING ALONG. MORIARTY GRINS AND HOLDS UP A LITTLE DEVICE TO HIS MOUTH.]

Moriarty [condescending]: Give him a little greeting Johnny boy, you know you shouldn’t be rude.

John [stiffly, trying but failing to be casual]: Evening.

[SHERLOCK TURNS AT THE SOUND OF JOHN’S VOICE. HE LOOKS SHOCKED]

Moriarty: Repeat after me: This is quite a turn up, isn’t it Sherlock?

John: This is quite a turn up, isn’t it, Sherlock?

Sherlock [shocked]: John? What the hell..

Moriarty: Ahahah okay say: I bet you never saw this coming.

John: I bet you never saw this coming.

Moriarty: What would you like me to make him say next?

John: What would you like me to make him say next?

[SHERLOCK MAKES NO REPLY; MORIARTY SEEMS DELIGHTED AND STARTS PRANCING ABOUT BEHIND THE CURTAINS]

Moriarty: OH! I know. Don’t say a thing, but show him what you have under the jacket!!!!

[JOHN OPENS UP THE JACKET, WE SEE WIRES; SHERLOCK SWAYS BUT MANAGES NOT TO FAINT, CUE THE SNIPER’S LASER]

Moriarty: Alright, say this Johnny boy:  Gottle o’ geer ... gottle o’ geer ... gottle o’ geer.

John:  Gottle o’ geer ... gottle o’ geer ... gottle o’ geer.

Sherlock [harshly]: Stop it.

Moriarty: Say: nice touch, this….

John: Nice touch this.

Moriarty:… the pool where little Carl died.

John: The pool where little Carl died.

Moriarty: I stopped him.

John: I stopped him.

Moriarty [practically flying with glee]: I can stop John Watson too.

[JOHN WINCES WHEN HE HEARS THAT]

John: I can stop John Watson too.

Moriarty; OOH HOW EXCITING. Now for the dramatic reveal. Say: Stop his heart.

John: Stop his heart.

[SHERLOCK LOOKS SHOCKED. I LAUGH AS WE CUE _I’M THE SPIDER IN THE WEB_ WITH MORIARTY’S ENTRANCE]

[ _I’m the Spider in the Web_ ](http://musescore.com/user/105483/scores/190968)

MORIARTY: _Jim Moriarty. Hiiiiiiiiii!_

_Moriarty:_

I’m the spider in the web,

Come to burn out your soul,

I have no feeling

Of  what’s right or wrong

 

I’m the spider in the web,

Moving in for the kill

I have you in my claws now,

Here, have a pill

 

I'm the spider in the web,

I'm the shadow in the dark,

I'm the brain behind the crime,

Come to burn out your heart

 

I’m the master of the puppet,

Come to watch you die,

It’s time to cut your strings now,

Show me how you fly.

 

I’m the master of the show,

Follow my lead,

There’s a strict tempo to follow,

Warning: you’ll end up dead.

 

I’m the consulting criminal,

Come out to play,

Come see what I’m working on,

I’m sure that you’ll stay.

 

_Sherlock: And how sure are you?_

 

I’m a criminal master mind, [spoken: Sherl]

You’ll do what I say.

If not, my sweetheart,

I’ll kill off your stray.

 

I'm the spider in the web,

I'm the shadow in the dark,

I'm the brain behind the crime,

Come to burn out your heart.

 

_John [tackles Moriarty]; Sherlock, run!_

 

You’ve rather shown your hand there,

Isn’t it so,

I’d stay if I were you,

But, you never know.

 

I'm the spider in the web,

I'm the shadow in the dark,

I'm the brain behind the crime,

Come to burn out your heart

_Gotcha_

| 

_Invisible Snipers [softly, like a rocking ship]  
_ He’s the spider

He’s the spider

He’s the spider

Oooooooh

 

He’s the spider

He’s the spider

He’s got you in his claws now,

Oooooooh

 

He’s the spider

He’s the spider

He’s the brain behind the crime,

He’ll burn out your heart

 

Spider, spider

Spider, spider

Spider, spider

Show him how you fly

 

Spider, spider

Spider, spider

Spider, spider

Oooooooooh

 

Consulting criminal,

Spider in the web,

Master of the puppet,

Master of the show

 

 

 

Oooooooh, oooooooh

Do what he says,

Oooooooooh

Spider

 

He’s the spider in the web,

Spider in the web,

Spider

Ooooooh

 

 

 

Oooooh, ooooh,

Ooooooh, oooh,

Oooooh, oooh

Oooooh,oooooh

 

He’s the spider in the web,

He’s the shadow in the dark,

He’s the brain behind the crime,

Come to burn out your heart.

_Spider [Deranged laughing from half]_  
  
---|---  
  
[ _CUE OUT I’M THE SPIDER IN THE WEB;_ THROUGHOUT THE SONG, SHERLOCK WAS STARING AT JOHN; JOHN WAS STARING AT HIM]

Moriarty: Good chat good chat. I’ll leave you boys to it.

[SNAPS HIS FINGERS AS HE LEAVES STAGE RIGHT, THROUGH THE CURTAIN; STAGE RIGHT LIGHTS REMAIN ON]

Sherlock: Catch you later.

Moriarty [behind the curtain, singsong]: Only in your dreams, Sherly.

[SHERLOCK STARES AT THE CURTAIN BEFORE BOUNDING FORWARD TO HELP JOHN. AS HE GOES, HE THROWS THE STICK INTO THE POOL.  THEY TAKE THE JACKET OFF JOHN AND IT GOES FLYING ALONG THE POOL SIDE. JOHN SINKS TO THE GROUND IN RELIEF.]

John [on the ground, panting]: Christ. Jesus Christ.

Sherlock [nervously pacing, gun waving wildly]: That, er, thing that you, er, that you did.

[JOHN LOOKS AT HIM]

Sherlock[freaked out, nervous, still pacing, still waving gun]: That you, um, that um, you offered to do. That was…….. um good.

John [nervous laugh]: I’m glad no one saw that. You know, you, ripping off my clothes in a darkened swimming pool. People might talk.

[SHERLOCK SEEMS UNIMPRESSED FOR A MOMENT, THEN LAUGHS]

Sherlock [grinning]: People do little else.

[THEIR EYES MEET AND JUST LIKE IN THE CHEESY ROM-COMS, WE’RE CUING _WE WALK TOGETHER OPENING BARS_. JOHN LOOKS SLIGHTLY TENSE, BUT AS HE REALIZES SHERLOCK’S NOT GOING TO LEAVE, HE BEGINS TO FEEL HOPEFUL. MORIARTY LOOKS EXCITED, AND HE PREPARES HIMSELF TO RE-ENTER THE POOL, GOING STAGE LEFT THROUGH THE CURTAIN; SHERLOCK TWITCHES]

_We Walk Together_

John: B-

[MORIARTY ENTERS, _CUE OUT WE WALK TOGETHER. CUE IN POOL 2.0_ ]

Moriarty: Sorry boys, did I interrupt a duet? Bad manners, I _know,_ but I’m just sooooooooooo changeable! It is a weakness of mine, but to be fair, it is my only weakness. You can’t be allowed to continue. You just can’t.

Sherlock: What would happen if I were to do this?

[SHERLOCK LOWERS THE GUN, AIMING IT TOWARDS THE BOMB; JOHN IS IN A HALF CROUCHED POSITION, LOOKING LIKE HE’D LIKE TO HIDE BEHIND SHERLOCK.]

Moriarty: You’d get to see my look of surprise as I died [makes a bad look of surprise]. But you would’t do that to me, would you?

[AS THEY STAND THERE, THE TENSION BUILDS AND THEN _CUE OUT POOL 2.0, CUE IN MORIARTY’S RINGTONE – STAYIN ALIVE, BEE GEES]_

Moriarty [frozen]: That’s me.

John: Oh Christ, I thought it was a tinny pop song about how excited you were to be blown up.

[BOTH SHERLOCK AND MORIARTY STARE AT JOHN BEFORE RESUMING FACING EACH OTHER]

Moriarty: Do you mind if I get that?

Sherlock: No worries. [waves it off] You’ve got the rest of your life.

[MORIARTY PICKS UP PHONE AND JOHN AND SHERLOCK LOCK EYES BEFORE SHERLOCK GOES BACK TO WATCHING MORIARTY. CUE OUT _MORIARTY’S RINGTONE_ ].

Moriarty: Hello?

Irene [o.s]: Jim?

Moriarty: Yes, of course it is. What do you want?

Irene [o.s]: I got tickets for Barry Gibb.

Moriarty:  SAY THAT AGAIN.

[SHERLOCK AND JOHN EXCHANGE GLANCES]

Irene [o.s]: Yes – 7 pm, Boston, tickets for Barry Gibb.

Moriarty: KNOW THAT IF YOU ARE LYING, AND THAT IF YOU DON’T HAVE WHAT YOU SAY YOU HAVE, KNOW THAT I WILL SSSSSSSKIN YOU.

Irene [o.s]: I’m not lying, Jim.

Moriarty: Wait.

Irene [o.s]: What?

[MORIARTY LOOKS AT SHERLOCK AND JOHN AGAIN, LOWERING THE PHONE, BUT NOT HANGING UP]

Moriarty [looking up slowly]: Sorry. Wrong day to die.

[TURNS AND WALKS OUT UPSTAGE FROM A DOOR THAT JUST APPEARED, BEFORE HE LEAVES, SNAPS HIS FINGERS; HE IS STILL TALKING ON THE PHONE AS HE LEAVES. THE WHISPERING AND GRUMBLING WE HEARD BEFORE STARTS UP AGAIN, BUT GRADUALLY DIES DOWN AS THE INVISIBLE SNIPERS VANISH; SHERLOCK STARTS WHEN JOHN STRUGGLES TO HIS FEET, STARTING TO CURSE UNDER HIS BREATH AND NOT STOPPING TILL SHERLOCK TURNS TO HIM].

John: Christ, Jesus, we could have died, fuck, bloody hell, shit, etc.

Sherlock: My thoughts exactly. Back to 221B, I think.

John: We should let Lestrade know.

Sherlock [nods reluctantly]: When we’re home.

[JOHN NODS AS THE TWO OF THEM EXIT THE WAY SHERLOCK CAME ON].

John: I don’t know about you, but I desperately need a cup of tea.

[SHERLOCK SMILES AND HOLDS OPEN THE DOORS ON STAGE LEFT. AS THEY LEAVE, LIGHTS START GOING DOWN, AND _CUE WE WALK TOGETHER_   _OPENING BARS_. SHERLOCK PAUSES AS JOHN OBLIVIOUSLY KEEPS WALKING ON, _CUE OUT WE WALK TOGETHER OPENING BARS_ , LIGHTS FADE OUT, LEAVING IN TOTAL DARKNESS].

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ our Tumblr ](https://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).


	7. Act One, Scene Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, the chapter count is up. No, the musical is nowhere near done. I'm in the process of writing Act 2, along with the music.  
> SO here's a funny story: I'm crazy enough to be doing summer school in the middle of summer so I have less courses next year. My friend, who is assisting me with lyrics for Justice!, is also taking it with me. With the two of us in class, we're not doing English or the lyrics, so that explains the massive chunk of random space below Justice!. I've kind of gotten carried away with the scenes to worry about the lyrics. But fear not, when I finally write them, I'll make an edit and post them. Yes this scene is written to put Justice in, as well as a bit of backstory on how the music works.
> 
> If you are a musician and enjoy the music you're hearing (or you know of someone who might enjoy it), have them check out our tumblr (link at the bottom). Stay tuned for Cast Auditions, which will be starting up when I finish writing the scenes.
> 
> And now, without further ado, the disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/), or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.
> 
> Edit: 28/08/14 - Lyrics for Justice! are in. Hyperlink to follow. Soon. Ish..  
> Edit: 11/10/14- Hyperlink for Justice! (it was soon... ish)

ACT ONE, SCENE SEVEN

[LIGHTS UP ON A BODY, WHICH IS SURROUNDED BY MUSIC AND MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS.  POLICE ARE STANDING AROUND, SECURING THE BODY AND THE CRIME SCENE. LESTRADE STANDING UPSTAGE LEFT, TALKING WITH ANDERSON. DONOVAN IS NOWHERE TO BE SEEN, BUT WE CAN HEAR HER TALKING TO SOMEONE. THE POLICE ARE STANDING AROUND THE BODY, WAITING FOR SOMETHING; A FEW OF ANDERSON’S FORENSICS TEAM SEEM TO BE DOCUMENTING EVERYTHING, TAKING PICTURES, AND TAKING A FEW SAMPLES. ANDERSON MOVES BACK TO THE BODY WHEN WE HEAR DONOVAN’S VOICE].

Donovan [o.s]: Bout time you got here, freak. And you’re still with him? You should really get a hobby.

[SHERLOCK AND JOHN ENTER STAGE LEFT, DONOVAN RIGHT BEHIND THEM].

Donovan [to Lestrade]: Freak’s here.

Lestrade: I might not be Sherlock Holmes, but I can see when someone arrives.

[DONOVAN LOOKS AT HIM BEFORE HE NODS AND WALKS AWAY]

Lestrade: Right, same as the .. two.. before. Victim’s name is Catherine Taylor.  Music student at the school… Christ, a seventeen year old. Anyway… she was the original suspect, but obviously she can’t be the murderer as she’s dead.

[SHERLOCK STARTS TO LOOK AT THE BODY, JOHN STANDING TO THE SIDE]

Lestrade: It’s always the worst when it’s kids.

John: Not exactly a kid, she’s seventeen.

Lestrade: Still. Too soon to die.

[SHERLOCK COMES OVER AND CUTS OFF WHAT EVER JOHN WAS GOING TO SAY]

Sherlock: You said you had other cases. I need the pictures.

Officer: So you can bring the murder down for justice?

[CUE _JUSTICE_ ]

Officer Two: FOR JUSTICE?

Officers: FOR JUSTICE!

 

[ _Justice_ ](http://musescore.com/user/543426/scores/373461)

Ensemble:

Justice!

Officer Six:

I’m dreaming of justice

Ensemble:

And there’s not a thing

You can say

 

Cause Justice

I’m dreaming of Justice

And there’s not a thing

You can do…

 

There’s a mad

Battle for justice

And we put our lives on the line

Each day

 

For Justice!

We fight for Justice

It’s what we do

For the citizens each day

 

Officer Three:

Sometimes Justice is hard to fight for

And sometimes justice can  go wrong

_Officer Four: Oi mate, you got that wrong_

For justice is always right!

 

Ensemble:

For justice!

We dream of justice

And we just fight for it,

Something we dream of

 

For justice

We’re dreaming of justice

For the right to live to see

Another day

 

(CHOREO BREAK)

 

There’s a fight that everyone joins,

The fight to bring the truth and

Uncover the lies!

 

When you fight for justice,

There’s just something about it

 

 

For justice

We fight for justice

We bring peace to London’s citizens

Oh yes oh yes we do

For

 

Justice

We fight for justice

We plan the fight each day

 

Justice!

We’re dreaming of justice

There’s something about

The freedom to say what you’re thinking of

 

Through justice

We bring the murderers down

We fight through the evidence,

Go to the root of the cause

 

To make London a safer place

Through Justice

We dream of justice

And what we dream, we generally do

Because we’re for the

Officers

| 

Sally  
  
---|---  
  
Justice

| 

Do it for the justice  
  
[JOHN JOINS IN RIGHT AFTER THE BAD CHOREO, WHICH HE DANCES. RIGHT AFTER THE SONG THEY ALL EXCHANGE GRINS, SLAP EACH OTHER ON THE BACK AND ARE ALL SHAKING HANDS. SHERLOCK WAS THE ONLY PERSON NOT SINGING ON THE STAGE, INSTEAD MOVING AROUND THE CHOREOGRAPHY WITH A PRACTICED EASE, LOOKING AROUND THE CRIME SCENE; LESTRADE DID SING, BUT HE’S THE FIRST ONE TO BRING THE POLICE BACK TO EARTH, CUE OUT _JUSTICE_ ].

Lestrade: All right all right, get back to work. [to Sherlock] I’ll get you –

Donovan[with a sneer]: Too good to join us, freak?

Lestrade: Sargen-

Sherlock [still absorbed in the details]: Or maybe I just have no interest in singing with you lot. And certainly not that song. The lyrics are trite and simplistic, and the choreography makes you look as if you’re all about to goose-step into _Poland._

[A HUSH FALLS OVER THE ROOM; LESTRADE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO MANAGES TO SPEAK; EVEN JOHN JUST REMAINS WATCHING, EVERYONE BE SHOCKED]

Lestrade [warningly]: Sherlock, you need to apologise for that. You know that the music and lyrics come from nowhere and are in no way controllable, especially for _Justice!,_ which the Met has been singing for over a hundred years now. So apologise.

Sherlock [looking up]: Oh honestly. You must have noticed that it’s a particularly ridiculous song.

Lestrade [exasperated]:  Right. That’s it. Get off my crime scene.

[POLICE ARE STILL SHOCKED, BUT SOME GO BACK TO THE BODY]

John: Sherlock. Just apologise. Don’t be difficult.

[SHERLOCK STANDS UP FROM WHERE HE WAS CROUCHED BY THE FOOT OF THE BODY]

Sherlock: _Difficult?_ Difficult would be trying to solve this case without my help, given the distinct lack of intelligence currently present. Are you _really_ going to refuse my help and so endanger the justice you all claim to be so keen on over a few bland bars music?

Lestrade: That’s _exactly_ what I’m going to do, yeah. Go on, get out of it. You’re not getting any access to my cases until you apologise.

Sherlock: Oh for god’s sake.

[SWEEPS OUT OF ROOM. WE HEAR A DOOR SLAM]

John [to Lestrade]: I’m sorry. I’ll try and talk him around.

[A COUPLE OF THE OFFICERS SNORT AT JOHN’S COMMENT]

Lestrade [to the officers]: Go on, get back to work. [to John] Yeah, good luck with that.

[JOHN SIGHS]

Lestrade: DONOVAN! Escort Dr. Watson off the crime scene and see if you can get a cab for him.

[SALLY WALKS OVER TO JOHN, AND STARTS TO TALK AS SHE APPROACHES]

Donovan: I don’t know how you can stand to be around him. I’ve never seen him once join in an ensemble. What kind of personality disorder must he have not to sing with others?

[ANDERSON, WHO WAS FLOATING AROUND, HEARS HER, AND REPLIES]

Anderson: Sociopath, remember?

Donovan: Ah, that’s right. _Sociopath._

John: Right, thanks I can see myself out.

[EXITS BRISKLY, STAGE LEFT]

Lestrade: Right so does anyone have any ideas for how we can catch ourselves a murderer? Does Ms. Taylor have any – right, did she have any enemies? Maybe when she was killing someone she crossed the wrong people?

Officer: We don’t know she was the killer.

Officer Three: I mean, she was killed in the exact same way that the others were killed. Done by the hands of the _Professional._

Officer: How many times do I have to tell you to not call the serial killer by the tabloid nickname?

Officer Three: It’s easier than saying “the killing bloke”.

Officer two [coming over]: Same cause of death as the others – tranquilizer to the neck.

Donovan [heading back over]: Tell me how we thought a 17 year old girl could get her hands on heavy duty tranquilizers?

Officer: Theft?

Officer Two: Don’t be daft, don’t you think someone would notice if tranquilizers were going missing?

Lestrade: There has to be a link somewhere. Hang on, did you say the Professional?

Officer Three: Ya, the media are going nuts over the nickname.

Lestrade: But this is only the third body! Nicknames don’t usually come until the third.. Christ who discovered the body?

Donovan: Media person … um Pamela Hollers.

Lestrade: Christ, let me guess she took pictures and … wait, how did she end up in a locked school??

Officer Two: I really hope that’s a rhetorical question..

Lestrade: No, but really. How did she know to come to a locked school for a murder?

Donovan: The serial killer contacted her?

Lestrade: And said “Hi I know where you can find a dead body.”?

Donovan: Maybe the serial killer wants to be caught?

Lestrade: What kind of serial killer wants to be caught?

Officer Three:  A genius one?

Lestrade: Where the hell did you hear that?

Officer Three: Oh I heard it being mentioned so I googled it.

[AWKWARD PAUSE]

Lestrade: Right so we need to catch the murderer, and to catch the murderer, we need to _get to work. T_ ime to get back to the body. Donovan, take Hopkins over here and go track down the person who discovered the body.

[DONOVAN NODS AND OFFICER TWO EAGERLY BOUNCES OVER]

Lestrade: Something’s not making sense with how this body was found…

Officer Three: Well I’m glad we found it now, otherwise there’d just be bones lying around.

Lestrade: Find the link, then make jokes.

Officer Four: Don’t mean to offend, sir, but I think we just sent out our last hope of trying to see it with Sherlock Holmes… sir.

Lestrade [tiredly, rubbing his face]: Don’t I know it. Well, just look for something. We need a clue before this case goes cold.

[OFFICERS START TO MOVE AND BUSTLE, GOING ABOUT THEIR JOBS; LIGHTS START TO GO DOWN AS THE CONVERSATION PETERS OFF INTO SILENCE].

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ our Tumblr ](https://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).


	8. Act One, Scene Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this scene is really short, I'm going to treat you guys and post up scene 9 today as well. I just have to proofread that, and then I'll post it up!
> 
> If you are a musician and enjoy the music you're hearing (or you know of someone who might enjoy it), have them check out our tumblr (link at the bottom). Stay tuned for Cast Auditions, which will be starting up when I finish writing the scenes.
> 
> And now, without further ado, the disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/), or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.

ACT ONE, SCENE EIGHT

 

[LIGHTS UP ON BAKER STREET’S FRONT DOOR, CURTAINS ARE CLOSED, THE DOOR IS IN PLACE. SHERLOCK IS SMOKING AT THE DOOR. JOHN GETS OUT OF A CAB.]

John: _What_ the _bloody hell_ was _that???_

Sherlock [calm, takes a drag from the cig]: What was what?

[JOHN TAKES A DEEP BREATH THROUGH HIS NOSE]

John: _That!_ That little display, insulting them all, refusing to apologise, and then bloody leaving me behind! I thought we’d got past that one, at least.

Sherlock [a bit too nonchalantly]: I thought you’d be happy enough to stay with your new choral partners.

John: _What the hell is that supposed to mean?_ Of _course_ I’m not- why would I stay at a crime scene without you? You blo- Oh god, you got pissed that I sang with them.

Sherlock [snappily, sulkily]: Of course not.

John: _For fuck’s sake!_ [pinches the bridge of his nose] You have had _plenty of chances to sing with me,_ and _you_ have shut them _all down._  You _don’t_ get to be _jealous about this._

[DEEP BREATH AS SHERLOCK UNRUFFLES HIMSELF AND TAKES ANOTHER DRAG]

John: Right. I’m going… out. I suggest you get over yourself and apologise to Lestrade, or you’re going to be stuck investigating cheating spouses and finding lost cats for the foreseeable future.

[PAUSES, WALKS OFFSTAGE LEFT AND REACHES FORWARD AND PLUCKS THE CIGARETTE OUT OF SHERLOCK’S FINGERS – SHERLOCK LOOKS AT HIM, ONE EYEBROW RAISED]

John: And stop smoking these.

[STOMPS OUT CIGARETTE BELOW FOOT]

John: They’re not good for your health.

[EXIT STAGE RIGHT, LIGHTS DOWN ON SHERLOCK AS HE PULLS OUT ANOTHER CIGARETTE AND KEEPS SMOKING]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ our Tumblr ](https://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).


	9. Act One, Scene Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is - the second scene of the day! It's also kinda short, but that's okay. The next two are really long, so I hope that makes up for it.
> 
> If you are a musician and enjoy the music you're hearing (or you know of someone who might enjoy it), have them check out our tumblr (link at the bottom). Stay tuned for Cast Auditions, which will be starting up when I finish writing the scenes.
> 
> And now, without further ado, the disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/), or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.

ACT ONE SCENE NINE

[LIGHTS UP, CURTAIN IS OPEN, AND WE SEE THE SAME CRIME SCENE WE SAW EARLIER. THE POLICE ARE STILL THERE – DONOVAN IS GONE, AS IS HOPKINS; LESTRADE HAS TAKEN HIS SUIT JACKET OFF; ANDERSON IS CROUCHED BY THE BODY, _CUE JUSTICE, RESIGNED_ ]

Officer: Well the killer really knows how to keep his tracks clean.

Officer Three [pacing around the body]:  Okay, but the body was obviously not killed here.

Anderson [looking at the body]: Stop telling me what I already know! There’s not enough blood here for Ms. Taylor to have died here.

Lestrade: None of the others were killed where we found their bodies.. wait, all the bodies were found at schools.

Officer Four: A link? Already?

Officer Five: We did it without Sherlock.

Lestrade: Right, let’s get the body sent to the morgue.

Sherlock [o.s]: No, not yet.

Lestrade [softly]: Oh _Christ._

[OFFICERS START TO GRUMBLE AS SHERLOCK SWOOPS ON, STAGE LEFT, CUE OUT _JUSTICE RESIGNED_.]

Lestrade: You better be here with an apology.

Sherlock [stiffly] : Yes. I am aware my behaviour earlier was unacceptable. Insulting a song that has been part of London’s pulse for over 100 years was completely uncalled for, and for that, I apologize. In the future, I will supress the frequent urges I get to lash out at the immense amount of _incompetence_ that people ooze at me, especially through trivial songs. But I digress, and express my apology at my earlier behaviour.

[THE WHOLE AREA FALLS SILENT – ANDERSON’S JAW DROPS OPEN AND HE NEARLY DROPS THE TOOL HE WAS HOLDING]

Sherlock: Anderson, close your mouth and regain control of your finger before you manage to destroy the evidence.

[LIGHT SNICKER FLIES THROUGH THE OFFICERS AS LESTRADE USHERS THEM BACK TO WORK.]

Lestrade: Right. Well thank you for that apology Sherlock.

Sherlock: You said you were going to get me the previous case files?

Lestrade: Yeah, right. [to Officer, Sherlock starts texting] Colin, get Donovan on the phone and tell her to stop by the station and pick up the previous case files.

Sherlock [kinda voice over?]: _Took your advice. Back on the case. Meet me at the school. SH_

Colin: Righto.

[COLIN WALKS UPSTAGE LEFT, PULLING OUT HIS MOBILE. WE ONLY HEAR HIS BEGINNING GREETING AS HE GETS DONOVAN ON THE PHONE.]

Colin: Sargent? It’s Colin…

Sherlock [hunched over the body]:  The killer is obviously experienced; look at the cut marks; no shakes, she obviously has cut people open before. Wait – that line there. Indicative that the first mark was hesitant – did the others have this mark? No, you wouldn’t know. _Obviously_ not murdered here- not enough blood. [to Lestrade, who was standing next to him] Did you interview any remaining family members?

Lestrade: Victim has only a sister remaining, I’ve a team trying to track her down.

[OFFICER SIX COMES ON SCENE]

Officer six: Sir! Good news – we found the sister. She’s coming in for questioning right now.

Lestrade: Great. Get the body to the morgue.

[JOHN ENTERS STAGE LEFT, HEADS STRAIGHT TO LESTRADE]

John: Did he really apologize?

Lestrade [startled]: Wh-? Yeah. He was surprisingly.. good at it, actually. What the hell did you say to him?

John: I’ve no idea.

Sherlock [still at body, looking up at John]: I need your opinion. What kind of surgery is this scar from?

John [reluctantly, totally not forgiving him]: Well, one large incision on the top of the shoulder, three smaller ones around the top; about two inches below the original incision. Seems to be a rotator cuff surgery.

Sherlock: Athletic then – most likely tennis player.

John: Might also be baseball or shot-put.

Sherlock [hums]: Hm, no, see look at the right hand. [stands up] The callouses on the thumb don’t line up with any that could come from a baseball; and look at the middle finger – a large callous on the top part of the knuckle suggests that this is her dominant hand; so, she would throw with that hand, if she were a pitcher. And the wrist – she must have gotten a new racquet recently, as the wrist is bruised right at the point where the racquet would be resting as she followed through on a serve [demonstrates a serve]. Surgery was on the left shoulder, so she throws up with that. What’s the only sport where you uses your non-dominant hand in a repetitive motion throwing high speed balls? Tennis. Hence, tennis player.

John: Brilliant!

Lestrade: Right, we’re sending the body to the morgue now, so you can continue deducing there [waves in the people who move the body]. Wait, she?

Sherlock: Yes, of course.  

Lestrade: How-

[BODY MOVES OFF STAGE LEFT, DONOVAN AND HOPKINS ENTER STAGE LEFT, DONOVAN CARRYING PAPERS]

Donovan: Freak’s back?

[PAPERS WERE HANDED OVER TO LESTRADE AS SOON AS SHE ARRIVED, LESTRADE GIVES THEM TO SHERLOCK, WHO STARTS READING THEM RIGHT AWAY]

Lestrade: Is there anything else you can gleam from this?

Sherlock: Send me the interview transcript with the family member’s picture. For now, I need to check a microwave.

[SWOOPS OUT STAGE LEFT]

John: Right, that’s me. I guess I’ll be seeing you later.

[POLICE ARE STARTING TO EXIT AS LESTRADE GETS THEM GOING OUT THE DOOR]

Lestrade: Right, I’ll see you round.

[JOHN NODS AND LEAVES WITH THE OFFICERS]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ our Tumblr ](https://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).


	10. Act One, Scene Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are a musician and enjoy the music you're hearing (or you know of someone who might enjoy it), [have them] check out our tumblr (link at the bottom). Stay tuned for Cast Auditions, which will be starting up when I finish writing the scenes.
> 
> And now, without further ado, the disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/), or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.  
> Kudos and comments are always appreciated!

ACT ONE SCENE TEN

[LIGHTS UP ON BAKER STREET; JOHN IS MAKING TEA, _WITHOUT_ THE COMFORT OF TEA. THERE IS ANGER IN HIS MOVEMENTS, YOU CAN TASTE IT IN THE AIR, SHERLOCK IS SITTING ON THE COUCH, PONDERING; JOHN FINISHES THE TEA AND GIVES IT TO SHERLOCK, WHO IS IDLY PLUCKING HIS VIOLIN; JOHN SITS DOWN AND DRINKS HIS TEA; SHERLOCK STARES AT HIM FOR A FEW MOMENTS BEFORE LETTING OUT A SIGH]

Sherlock [sigh]: I suppose I need to apologize to you as well.

John [harshly]: Don’t bother. I know you too well to believe your apologies.

Sherlock:  Just because I am unwilling to apologise doesn’t mean it would be insincere if I did.

[JOHN STARES, SHERLOCK FROWNS]

Sherlock [stiffly]: I am aware that my behaviour earlier was unacceptable. It is not my business whom you choose to sing with.

[JOHN SIGHS QUIETLY]

Sherlock [leans forward]: I was not expecting you to become part of that ensemble. The surprise made me act rashly.

John: Why not? Why didn’t you think I’d join in with a group of people I’ve been working with for several months now, and whose goals I share?

Sherlock [awkward shrug]: I suppose I think of you as working with me, rather than with them.

John [bitter laugh]: And you won’t bloody sing with me. Besides, as much as you hate to believe you’re not a lone wolf, you’re working with them as well, even if you won’t sing with them.

Sherlock: I have never sung with anyone else.

John: Really? Never? But –

[SHERLOCK LOOKS AT HIM, AND HE CUTS HIMSELF OFF]

John: Right. Instrumental family theme.

Sherlock [wraps hands around mug]:  The other songs that children tend to sing passed me by. I was taught at home until I was old enough for boarding school, by which time I decided I had no interest in sharing a song for the sake of it. As I grew older, that only became clearer to me. You know how little I have in common with the things that other people consider worth singing about.

[THEY FALL INTO SILENCE ONCE MORE, SHERLOCK PUTTING DOWN THE TEA MUG AND JOHN PICKS UP THE PAPER]

John: What about street ensembles?

[A PAUSES, AND THEN SHERLOCK LOOKS AT HIM]

John: What about street ensembles?

Sherlock: What do I bloody care if it’s raining or not?

John: Right.

Sherlock: I do not want your pity. I am perfectly content with things as they are. Singing with others would mean dragging myself down to their level.

John: Including singing a duet with me?

[SHERLOCK, WHO HAS BEEN LOOKING AT JOHN THROUGHOUT THIS TIME, CLENCHES HIS JAW AND LOOKS AWAY]

Sherlock [tightly]: Our theme works perfectly well as an instrumental piece. The lyrics would only ruin that with saccharine sentiment.

[LONG PAUSE, SHERLOCK LOOKS LIKE HE’S GETTING BACK INTO THE THINKING ZONE]

John: Right. --- Well, I’m not going to stop myself singing with the police, or anyone else, just because you think it’s a waste of time.

Sherlock [snappish]: I don’t expect you to. I won’t let today’s incident repeat itself.

[JOHN SIPS AT HIS TEA FOR A FEW MOMENTS AS SHERLOCK VANISHES DEEPER INTO THINKING. AFTER ABOUT A MINUTE, THERE IS NOISE “DOWNSTAIRS” AND WE HEAR MRS. HUDSON]

Mrs. Hudson [o.s]: Oh Inspector!

Lestrade [o.s]: Afternoon, Mrs. Hudson. Is Sherlock in?

Mrs. Hudson [o.s]: Is he not answering the doorbell again?

Lestrade [o.s]: No, we were out here for about five minutes.

Mrs. Hudson [o.s]: SHERLOCK! THE DOORBELL IS TO LET PEOPLE IN!

John: Did you put the doorbell in the oven again?

[SHERLOCK LOOKS PISSED THAT PEOPLE WON’T LET HIM THINK, AND TAKES A FEW MOMENTS TO REPLY]

Sherlock: It was bothering me. Wouldn’t stop making noise.

John: Then you should have answered the door.

[SHERLOCK SCOFFS AS PEOPLE TROOP UP THE STAIRS – WE HEAR THEIR FOOTSTEPS, AND LESTRADE , DONOVAN AND MRS. HUDSON APPEAR AT THE DOOR]

Mrs. Hudson: Sherlock, dear, these nice police were at the doors!  Sorry again, Inspector.

Lestrade: No worries, really, Mrs. Hudson. We just came to drop off the other case files, and I hope to be out of here before Hopkins realizes that we’re at Sherlock’s house. He’ll be here as fast as possible once he realizes.

[SHERLOCK LOOKS OVER THE CASES AS LESTRADE CONTINUES TO DRONE ON ABOUT THE PREVIOUS BODIES]

Lestrade[reading from his notes]: First victim; female, biology teacher, Joni Standford. Found Sunday morning in Surrey. Sorry – two Sundays ago. Cut open like a dissection, all her organs removed beside her, each of them labelled and dissected as well. Bones, joints, organs and muscles were all labelled, but her skull was fully intact. Each cut seemed to look as if one of the morgue technicians would make it to open it up. Cause of death – injection of tranquilizer to the body, then she was sliced open.

Sherlock: If the whole body was cut, why leave the skull intact?

John: Well, the cranium is one of the harder bones to cut open. To break the ribs, the killer would have just had to cut deep enough to ram their fingers under the ribs and pull sideways, or punch the ribs hard enough until they cracked, and then pull sideways. The cranium bones, however, are a different story. For the killer to get to the brain, they’d have to cut away most of the skull, which requires special tools.

Sherlock: That would rule out morgue technicians and surgeons.

John: Not necessarily, as most surgeons don’t have their own personal saw for cutting skulls

Sherlock: They would be able to steal it from the office.

[SHERLOCK HUFFS AND STARTS TO LOOK AT THE PICTURES]

Sherlock: These pictures are completely useless. Why can’t you hire competent people to take competent pictures instead of relying on someone so utterly useless as Anderson?

Lestrade [exasperated, reading from notes]: Second victim; male, physics teacher, Dr. Darren Mathewson. Found last Monday morning, suspended on a pulley, attached to the door handle with a noose around his neck. In a mockery, the killer drew a diagram of all the forces acting on the body at each point, going on to state the potential kinetic energy and the mechanical energy. Killed in same way as the biology teacher – injection of tranquilizer to the body, and then his neck was broken. No fingerprints found on the body.

Sherlock: Fascinating.

John: He means thank you for the case files.

Sherlock: Why didn’t you call me in at the first dead body?

Lestrade: You were … indisposed.

Sherlock: I’ve not been indisposed at all this year.

John: Count back the dates, Sherlock. Then you’ll know why.

[A HALF MOMENT AS SHERLOCK WORKS IT OUT]

Sherlock: Moriarty.

John: Yea.

Lestrade: We spoke to all the victims’ families. They all say the same thing – each left, and then didn’t come back.

Sherlock: So they were not aware they were targeted.

Lestrade: The biology teacher left Friday morning and wasn’t discovered till Monday afternoon by the cleaning staff. We tracked her GPS and it seems like she was at Eton College all day.

Sherlock: Did she teach there?

Lestrade: Yes. Then the GPS records went dead. According to forensics –

[SHERLOCK INTERRUPTS WITH A HUFF]

Lestrade [ignoring the huff]: According to forensics, she was killed on Sunday. Her body had no other wounds that indicate damage. The physics teacher left on Monday morning and was found Tuesday. He was killed on Monday. And the student was killed yesterday and found this morning. CCTV footage was checked and it’s all clean – the killer either knows how to edit or jammed the footage to stop it working and then restarted it, looping some parts together. Both teachers were found at ACS Engham International school, and the girl was found at Eton College. All three had no right to be there.

[SHERLOCK DOESN’T REPLY]

John: Right well thanks again Greg. Best of luck with the press conference. What’s going to be your advice?

Lestrade: “Don’t go back to school.”

John: I’m sure the kids will love you.

[THEY LAUGH]

Sherlock: Don’t be an idiot Lestrade. There’s a pattern. The killer kills people whose last names start with the same letter as the day of the week they are killed. So, no one with the last name of “W” should go out until next Thursday.

John:  That’s actually a pretty good link.

Sherlock: But what connects them….. [suddenly] I need their histories. All of them. Medical records, where they were born, schools, criminal records.

Lestrade: We’ll get them to you as soon as we can.

[NO REPLY FROM SHERLOCK]

John: I’ll let him know. You just go and .. prepare for the press.

Lestrade: Thanks mate.[to Sally as he turns to leave] Sargent, get a team to go through all histories, and then bring them back over here. The sooner we can get the histories, the sooner we can solve this brutal case.

[LESTRADE AND DONOVAN EXIT THROUGH THE DOORWAY; WE CAN HEAR SALLY TALKING TO SOMEONE AS SHE GOES DOWN THE “STAIRS” AND OUT]

Donovan [O.S]: Tell Colin to get working on the histories of the victims….

[DOOR SLAMS AND SHERLOCK IS TOTALLY ABSORBED IN THE CASE. JOHN SIGHS AND GOES TO MAKE TEA. CUE _TIME._ JOHN PUTTERS AROUND THE FLAT, TIDYING HERE AND THERE; EVERY SO OFTEN SHERLOCK MOVES, OR MUTTERS SOMETHING TO HIMSELF ABOUT THE CASE. WE WATCH FOR A FEW MINUTES, BUT OBVIOUSLY IT’S HOURS AS THE LIGHT CONTINUES TO CHANGE. EVENTUALLY, THERE’S A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.]

John [walking toward the door]: I’ll go get that, shall I?

[JOHN EXITS THE HOUSE AND WE HEAR HIM GOING DOWN THE “STAIRS” THERE ARE VOICES; DONOVAN AND COLIN].

John [o.s]: Oh hi Sgt. Donovan, Officer Colin.

Colin [o.s]: We’ve got the histories.

Donovan [o.s]: As much as I don’t like freak, I hope this helps him solve the case soon. When they start bringing kids in, it’s not good.

[JOHN SOUNDS SHOCKED]

John [confused too. o.s.]: Right, okay ya. Thanks again, ta.

[SOUND OF A DOOR SLAMMING AND FOOTSTEPS COMING UP]

John: I got your histories.

[SHERLOCK MAKES NO REPLY.]

John [louder]: Sherlock.

[NO REPLY]

John [with the air of someone who’s repeated something too many times]: Sherlock!

[MOVEMENT FROM SHERLOCK]

Sherlock [irritated]: Can’t you see I’m thinking?

John: I’ve the histories here.

[SHERLOCK’S ENTIRE DEMEANOUR CHANGES]

Sherlock: Oh excellent. I’ll look at them at once.

John: Why’d you need them this time? You don’t normally use victim histories.

Sherlock [with a glare]: I was unable to fully deduce the first two victims’ histories due to being … indisposed. Anderson’s incompetent skills at using a simple camera and trying to take a picture were no help in trying to get their histories. Also, the newest victim doesn’t seem to have any problems other than the surgery.

John: Here’s to that mate.

[SHERLOCK PICKS UP THE HISTORIES WITH A NOD AND STARTS TO READ THEM; FADE LIGHTING AS THE “SUN” GOES DOWN, CUE OUT _TIME_ AND LIGHTS DOWN UNTIL NOTHING REMAINS.]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ our Tumblr ](https://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).


	11. Act One, Scene Eleven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've hit the end of Act One! Next week there will be a new story called - you guessed it- Act Two! I look forward to seeing you all then! As my birthday gift to you, I will now lead you to the scene, prior to which I will gently remind you that kudos and comments are always appreciated.
> 
> If you are a musician and enjoy the music you're hearing (or you know of someone who might enjoy it), [have them] check out our tumblr (link at the bottom). Stay tuned for Cast Auditions, which will be starting up when I finish writing the scenes.
> 
> And now, without further ado, the disclaimer:  
> Most of the dialogue belongs to BBC, as well as FlawedAmythyst  
> Music is written by me and[ Catherine](http://vortexofdeduction.blogspot.ca/), or in the case of the Finale, used with permission and arranged.  
> Lyrics are by FlawedAmythyst (and respective betas), myself, Catherine and A. Vlasov, who you can find on [ YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCMQ3zjRjkN5vJGCM-bFCaaQ) .  
> Inspired by [ A Very Sherlock Musical, by FlawedAmythyst](http://archiveofourown.org/chapters/2279463?show_comments=true&view_full_work=false#comment_5840033).  
> Special thanks to Ariane DeVere for her helpful episode transcripts!
> 
> Any songs can be clicked on in the story, providing they are done.  
> 

ACT ONE, SCENE ELEVEN

[IT IS NIGHTTIME. THIS IS INDICATED BY THE LIGHTING; STREET LIGHTS FROM THE STREET ARE FLOWING INTO THE WINDOW, AND GIVING A FAINT GLOOM. A SOLE VIOLIN CARRIES A BEAUTIFUL MELODY, WHICH TURNS OUT TO BE –HEY, TAKE A WILD GUESS – _WE WALK TOGETHER SOLO VIOLIN._ WE JUST SEE THE FIGURE’S OUTLINE AFTER A MOMENT, SOMEONE ENTERS AND PAUSES WHEN THEY SEE THE FIGURE; ONCE THE FIGURE REALIZES SOMEONE’S THERE, THE MUSIC STOPS]

John: Christ, Sherlock. Put the light on.

[WE SEE HIS FIGURE SHUFFLE THROUGH THE FLAT; EVENTUALLY, HE ENDS UP BY THE COUCH WHERE SHERLOCK IS, AND HE FLIPS ON THE LAMP; CUE STAGE LEFT LIGHTS; JOHN IS STANDING, WRAPPED IN HIS DRESSING GOWN, SHERLOCK IS WEARING HIS SUIT, BUT HIS SUIT JACKET IS DRAPED ACROSS HIS ARMCHAIR AND HIS VIOLIN IS IN HIS HAND.]

John: You still haven’t found the link?

Sherlock [touchy]: No.

John: Well cheer up; you said last week that the killer kills weekly, and then later said that they kill 8 days after the last death. You can catch .. _her…_ tomorrow. --- Well, later today.

[JOHN MOVES TOWARDS THE KITCHEN AND SHERLOCK STARTS MOVING  SUDDENLY, PUTTING THE VIOLIN ON HIS ARMCHAIR].

Sherlock: John, you are truly _luminous._

[JOHN STARTLES FROM WHERE HE WAS POURING HIMSELF SOME WATER].

John: Right. Glad to be of assistance.

Sherlock: Oh you haven’t been of assistance yet.

[A BRIEF PAUSE AS JOHN DRINKS, PUTS THE GLASS DOWN, AND HAS REALIZATION DAWN ON HIM]

John: Christ, Sherlock. _No._

Sherlock: You’d be the perfect bait! Last name starting with ‘W’, and I noticed that both teachers were trained at the College of Teachers, and both graduated in the same year; I can hack into the alumni graduation, put your name in, and you’ll become bait.

John [harsh laugh]: Right, but your flawless plan has a big, gaping flaw – how will I be picked?

Sherlock [briskly]: I’ll delete all the other W entries.

John: Because it’s not suspicious at all that there are no W graduates in that specific year. Look, you know I want to help, but being bait?

Sherlock: You’d be perfectly safe.

John: You can’t possibly know that Sherlock! Teachers are being _murdered…._ And students too.

Sherlock: And someone else will die if you’re not bait. At least if _you’re_ bait, I can protect you, solve the case and get you out alive.

John: I don’t –

Sherlock: Don’t be ridiculous. You’ll need protection if you’re to be bait.

[STRIDES OFF TO THE SOFA, WHERE HE PICKS UP A PHONE AND ACTUALLY LOOKS AS IF HE’S ABOUT TO CALL]

John[exasperated]:  I didn’t agree to being bait!

Sherlock [lifting the phone to his ear]: Lestrade?

[JOHN LOOKS UP IN SHOCK, NEARLY CHOCKING ON HIS WATER]

Lestrade [downstage left, grouchy] Chrissakes. Why are you calling so bloody early?

Sherlock [impatiently]: How can you possibly be asleep on such an important case?

Lestrade: We all can’t run on no sleep and no food. What do you need?

Sherlock: John’s being idiotic; get over here and talk some sense into him.

Lestrade [drily]: Thank god it’s not an emergency.

Sherlock [snaps]: It is. Get over here now.

Lestrade: I’ll be there in tw-

[SHERLOCK SEEMS TO DISCONNECT THE CALL]

John: I thought you preferred texting?

Sherlock: At this time of morning, Lestrade would not reply to a text; the easiest way would be to call. Calling also indicates an urgent situation, whereas texting suggests that he can show up at his leisure. Which he cannot.

[JOHN NODS]

John: Wel-

Sherlock: No. Don’t go to bed.

[JOHN LOOKS SHOCKED]

Sherlock: Don’t look at me like that, I just don’t feeling like having to go and wake you up in fifteen minutes when Lestrade finally shows up.

[JOHN SIGHS, THEN MOVES BACK INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND SETS THE FIRE BEFORE LOOKING FOR SOMETHING]

Sherlock: You’ll have to use your laptop.

John: For the radio?

Sherlock: Obviously.

John: Okay then.

[JOHN GETS HIS LAPTOP, SETTLES DOWN WITH IT ON HIS LAP, AND HALF A MOMENT LATER, HAS MUSIC BLARING THROUGH THE TINNY SPEAKERS. CUE _TIME PASSES BY – INSANIA_ ].

Sherlock: Really? You’re putting on something that doesn’t even pass as music?

John: Shut up, it was a favourite in Afghanistan.

[JOHN SEEMS TO BE NERVOUS BUT THEN STANDS UP AND STARTS SWAYING TO THE MUSIC]

Sherlock: God, save me from this blasphemy.

John: It’s just dancing.

Sherlock: _That?_ That is not dancing.

[STANDS UP, AND TAKES JOHN’S HAND]

Sherlock: This is dancing.

[THE TWO OF THEM PROCEED TO SLOW DANCE AROUND THE FLAT, IN THE PARTIAL DARKNESS. KEEP IN MIND THAT EVERYTHING SEEMS GREAT AT 3 AM.

John: For Chrissakes.

[SHERLOCK KEEPS DANCING FOR AS LONG AS POSSIBLE BEFORE ABRUPTLY DROPPING JOHN’S ARMS; SHERLOCK ENDS UP BACK IN HIS CHAIR; AND JOHN JUST CLOSES HIS LAPTOP AND SITS BROODING INTO THE FIRE. A TIRED KNOCK SOUNDS AT THE DOOR].

John: I’ll go get that so it doesn’t wake Mrs. Hudson.

[LEAVES AND THEN A FEW MOMENTS LATER, HE’S TAKING LESTRADE UP INTO THE FLAT, AS THEY HEAD UP THE STAIRS WE HEAR THEM TALKING]

John [o.s]: Thanks for coming.

Lestrade [o.s]: It sounded like he would commit murder if I didn’t show up.

[THEY ENTER THROUGH THE DOOR ON STAGE RIGHT]

John: I’m sure he would.

Lestrade: This better be bloody good, Sherlock Holmes, or so help me, I’ll call your brother in.

Sherlock: Spare me the details of your love life. John is being obtuse.

[LESTRADE SMIRKS AT JOHN; WHO VISIBLY REDDENS]

Sherlock: I figured out how to catch our elusive killer, but I need John to act as bait. He seems to be under the illusion that I would make him act as bait without sufficient back up.

Lestrade: Sherlock, if the man doesn’t want to be bait, don’t force him to be bait.

John: I really wouldn’t mind being bait.

Lestrade [drily]: Well it’s a good thing I’m here to help with the logistics, then, innit?

Sherlock: I’ve already hacked into the alumni list and deleted all the Ws and put John’s name in.

Lestrade: I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that.

Sherlock [ignoring Lestrade]: What we need to do is set it up so that John is wearing a bullet proof vest; we’ll hook him up via ear piece as well so we can hear what’s going on. John, you’ll go into Eton College later today. Just look like you’re setting up.  Both teachers who were murdered were working at Eton.

Lestrade: I’m assuming this is where you’ll have us come in.

Sherlock: Your team will be undercover as various other teachers setting up. A team will be guarding the gates to the school; keep a watch out for any person that comes in.

Lestrade [to John]: Since when did we start listening to his plans?

Sherlock [snaps]: You’ll listen to me if you want to catch this killer. Now go and sleep. You’re sleeping on your feet. We’ll meet up with you at the Yard.

John: Why doesn’t he just stay here? He can use my bed. Or yours -  I don’t think you’ve slept in it since we last changed the sheets.

Lestrade: God no, I don’t want to impose. God knows what you two get up to. I’ll text you when I get in.

[LESTRADE LEAVES BEFORE EITHER MAN CAN REPLY]

John:  Right then.

[CUE _TIME_ AS SHERLOCK STARTS TALKING OUT THE CASE]

Sherlock: It shouldn’t be too dangerous for you, John. You’ll go into Eton at first light – pick a class room and set up. I wouldn’t advise Biology, History, Chemistry, English, Music, Physics, or Maths.

John: Maths?

Sherlock: You’ve done maths before John. Even you can’t be blind to how sharp the compass is.

John: So that leaves me with business. I don’t know a thing about business.

Sherlock: I dislike repeating myself.

John: Right, I just have to set up.

Sherlock: And if you get attacked –

John: Afghanistan, remember. I know how to deal with attacks.

[SHERLOCK GIVES HIM A LOOK AND CONTINUES TO WORK; LIGHTS HAVE BEEN GOING SLOWLY UP UNTIL THE FLAT IS FULL OF LIGHT; AT FULL LIGHT IN THE FLAT, A PHONE MESSAGE ALERT GOES OFF. SHERLOCK WRESTLES IT OUT OF HIS SUIT JACKET].

John: Christ, look at how bright it is in here.

[MOVES TO CUT THE LIGHT OFF; LIGHTING REMAINS THE SAME]

Lestrade [o.s]: _On the way to the yard – need a lift?_

Sherlock: Lestrade’s on his way.

John: We’ll just meet him at the Yard- you’ll need to coach me on how to act like a teacher.

Sherlock: I told him we’ll meet him at the Yard.

John: Right.

[SHERLOCK LOOKS AT HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME]

Sherlock: Don’t wear any of your jumpers.

John: I like my jumpers.

Sherlock: Honestly, John, how many teachers have you seen wearing jumpers? Get dressed as you usually do, just don’t wear the jumper.

John: Right.

[SOLDIERLY MARCH OUT; CUE OUT _TIME._ SHERLOCK REDRESSES HIMSELF, AND PUTS HIS VIOLIN AWAY FROM WHERE IT WAS SITTING ON HIS CHAIR. JOHN COMES BACK DOWN A MOMENT LATER, WEARING HIS USUAL ATTIRE WITHOUT A JUMPER]

Sherlock [looking at him]:  It’ll have to do.

[PUTS ON HIS COAT.]

John: Right.

Sherlock [holding out his coat for him]: Come along, John. We’ve a serial killer to catch!

[BOTH MEN EXIT STAGE RIGHT, AND THE LIGHTS GO DOWN, AS WELL AS THE BIG RED CURTAIN. IT’S TIME FOR THE FIVE MINUTE AUDIENCE PEE BREAK]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For more updates and lyrics, check out [ our Tumblr ](https://sherlockthemusical.tumblr.com).


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